Thursday, November 29, 2012

Stress Less - (Part 1) Social Networks


Recent studies have shown that parents have more stress in their lives than people without children. It's not surprising that our vibrant bundles of joy (read: energy) have the ability to make life both beautiful, and far beyond crazy. As a parent, you need to be able to make time for yourself - this may seem an impossible task with a special needs child, as there are fewer people who truly understand your child in order to give you a break. Rest assured, there are people out there willing to babysit kids with differences! (Kahlon Family Services offers respite/babysitting - just so you know.)

On that note, if you are a parent who tells their child, "It's time to take a break" - then it only makes sense for you to model that behavior at times when you feel overwhelmed.

For the next three weeks, we are going to have a series on how parents can STRESS LESS and live more. So, here's the kick off!

DO YOU HAVE A SOCIAL NETWORK?

We are not talking about Facebook, people! Do you have real life adults that you spend time with? We're sure your kids are fantastic, but you will never stop needing peer company. It's time to connect with humans over things other than Goldfish crackers, Disney channel, itchiness of tags on shirts, peeing in the potty and the politics of who gets to use the swings next at the park. You've got a brain that needs challenges and stimulation - you have opinions, you have a voice, you have (or you probably used to have) interests and hobbies that you shared with others.

Many people fall into the trap of having just one person who bears the brunt of all their emotions - whether that is a husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, life partner, soul-sister, brother-from-another-mother, BFF - it is probably too much to expect one other person to be there for you all the time. It is a blessing to have someone that you are so deeply connected with, but to keep that connection alive and healthy it is a good idea to keep balance to your relationship. Maybe have specific friends who you share certain things with, and others you don't. Keep close friends, even if you're married - you'll never find all that you need socially in your partner alone. You were probably a fun person at one point, and stress hasn't got the right to strip that title away from you! It is vitally important - especially with your spouse/parenting partner - to keep the genuine, light-hearted love alive in your relationship. Go and do something ridiculous (...responsibly ridiculous, not like bank robbery) with your partner! Get a babysitter for the kids and eat candy for dinner and climb trees or something. Forget about what stresses you, and reconnect with those who feed your soul. Be carefree, if only for a few hours.

For time with your non-romantic friends, BFF (Best Friend Forever), kindred spirits and bro-mances (male buddy love) - think about how to get out and be your age. Maybe for you, that means having your close friends and their kids over for dinner. Perhaps the kids can run free and unattended while you have adult time with your friends. Where special needs are involved, that might be a difficult task if you're worried about your child's social issues or sensory problems causing unsafe behaviors. Firstly, we believe it is really important to teach kids that they can be trusted to be unattended in a house with adults after a certain age - and that the adults will attend to them if need be. Secondly, if that is too much for your kids right now (no judgement there - we totally understand) try and put on a movie for the kids while the adults socialize. And thirdly, if you don't want to do that, you could hire a babysitter to take care of all the families kids for the duration of the event. With that, be realistic - an 18 year old probably shouldn't be expected to look after 9 kids, change diapers, feed all the kids, break up fights etc. Make it as easy as possible for the babysitter!

If you are reading this and you're feeling a bit lost in the friends department, take a moment to think about why. The truth is, you're probably a very lovable person and well worth being friends with. Did you push people away after you got into a romantic relationship? Did it happen after you had your children? Some people isolate themselves in family life for one reason or another. Who could you reach out to and reconnect with? Send someone a text or an email - make a playdate or a coffee date. If it doesn't work with one person, try another. Also, where could you go to meet new people? Are you part of an interest group, a gym, a church/synagogue, a support group for parents of special needs kids? Google these kinds of things to see what is in your area.

It takes courage to step out of your comfort zone. We need to be modeling the very behaviors we are willing our kids to display. Be brave, be strong, be fun, be balanced - be someone you'd like to be friends with. Spend time being social, and stress less.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Behavioral Consultations


Family life is difficult - it doesn't have to be unbearable though.
When your kids have special needs or behavioral challenges, what seems like an everyday task can sometimes feel like mission impossible.  We are passionate about helping families find joy in being together, despite the obstacles that may stand in their way. We help strengthen families by providing services that include Behavioral Consultations.

What is a Behavioral Consultation? 
A Behavioral Consultation happens when one or more of the child's parents/caregivers discuss family dynamics with a Behavior Specialist. The conversation is usually focused around one or more children's challenging behaviors and the way that they affect the family's ability to function. The Behavior Specialist then makes suggestions and develops a plan of action from a toolbox of methods that they have been trained in, or previously seen evidence-based success in. At Kahlon Family Services, everything we do is relationship-based and individualized.

What does the initial consultation look like? 
A Behavior Specialist comes to the family's house and observes the child/ren in their natural environment. (We do not meet in offices, as we know that unfamiliar surroundings cause people to behave differently than they would in their own home.) The Specialist makes time to spend with the child/ren, then sits down with the parent/s for the consultation. Depending on the situation and age/s of the child/ren, we like to involve the entire family in the initial consultation.

What is the purpose of a Behavioral Consultation? 
The purpose of the Behavior Specialist is not to fix the family's situation his/herself. The Specialist is there to train and empower the parents to change the way they lead their family, by equipping them with strategies and tools to make life easier. The Specialist is the overseer, the parents outwork the plan - history has proven that lasting changes can not be made to a whole family dynamic unless the whole family is on board. Though it may seem as though one person of the family can be making things dysfunctional, every member of the family has a part to play in overall change.

After the initial consultation, how often do families see the Behavior Specialist? 
It is recommended that in the first few weeks of the intervention that the Specialist visits the family on a weekly basis, to check in with how everything is going. It is likely that there will be a few "teething problems" with some strategies, and these kinks can be worked out with the Specialist during consultations. The Specialist can help families to start a culture of meeting regularly which can then be sustained without a Specialist present. The Behavior Specialist is involved for as long as the family requires the assistance. One of the biggest advantages of having a third party involved in a family behavioral intervention is that the Behavior Specialist helps to keep the parents accountable for reinforcing the strategies that will lead to change.

How do we get started? 
Kahlon Family Services has a team of trained professionals who are available for Behavior Consultations. Each family is assigned one Behavior Specialist who will work with them for the whole intervention. Visit our website by clicking here - or send us an email on kahlonfamilyservices@gmail.com


Friday, November 9, 2012

Raising Thankful Kids



Everyone appreciates a 'Thank You'. When people are truly grateful for things, there is an air about them that others do not possess. People who practice expressions of gratitude are much more pleasant to be around than people who take life for granted. People who are thankful for the things life brings their way have more friends, are more employable and are happier than those who feel like the world owes them something for their very existence. Thankfulness begins in early childhood, and is modeled by parents.

How do we raise kids with an attitude of gratitude?

(1) Model thankfulness. 
The old saying, "Do what I say, not what I do" doesn't fly when it comes to setting an example of being thankful. Ask yourself,
- Do I thank my kids for things? Do I thank them for not just 'doing', but also for 'being'?
- Do I thank others in the presence of my kids?
- Do I thank people not just by saying, "Thank You"; but by writing notes, doing acts of service, reciprocating kindness etc?

(2) Provide opportunities for delayed gratification. 
If you buy your kids everything they want, without them having to ever wait for a special occasion, or earn/save money, you are essentially teaching them that money grows on trees - and that it is really easy to get money trees.  As a parent, it is normal for you to want to buy your kids things - especially things that they want. By controlling your impulse to indulge them without reason, you're showing them the value of waiting. There's nothing wrong with having nice things, but remember that 'things' are temporary and no amount of possessions will ever build character or satisfy your soul. Once your kids start getting everything, they'll start expecting it. Are you ready for that kind of thing?

(3) Regularly give things away. 
Maybe your kids' toy box is overflowing and messing up the whole house. Do they really need all those toys? Are they even all age/developmentally appropriate? Could you think of someone who has less toys - or could you give some to Goodwill? (When explaining concepts like 'Goodwill' be specific - my Mom used to say, "We are giving these clothes to the poor kids" and I had no idea what that meant. In my mind there was some village of kids kicking around a can and wearing my clothes.) Being thankful with what we have stems from knowing that we don't need everything. If you teach your kids to live without things, you're breaking the attachment they have to their belongings. You can actually raise kids who value people over possessions.

(4) Develop awareness of the less fortunate. 
Kids with social differences are likely be deeply impacted by the idea of poverty and/or the third world, in a different way to typically developing children. Remember, the poverty line exists in our own backyard - you may need to travel abroad to find people without clean water, but we don't need to go to Africa to find hungry kids. There is a fine line between creating awareness of the good things we enjoy, without making a child feel guilty for having tasty food, new electronics and fashionable clothing. Keep dialog open about how lucky they are to have the 'extra' things in life, but always in a positive light. Monitor how your child processes profound concepts like poverty - if it is disturbing to them, try and uncover what is bothering them so much. (It is likely that they fear being in poverty themselves, and you can explain why that is extremely unlikely to happen.)

(5) Create a thankfulness ritual. 
Some people say grace before meals, others talk about things they are thankful for on car trips or around the dinner table in conversations. I have found that parents know good times of the day when children are open and receptive to deeper-level conversations, and taking those opportunities as teachable moments will not only build the relationship you have with your child, it will also give you a window into their developing minds.

Happy Thanksgiving! May you have fun with your family, have safe travels and enjoy much turkey/tofurky :)
Wishing you all the best from the team at Kahlon Family Services :)


Wednesday, November 7, 2012

School Shadowing





Kahlon Family Services provides ‘shadows’ to people of all ages requiring extra help towards independence. ‘Shadowing’ is a relationship-based behavioral intervention. For children, a shadow refers to a Behavior Specialist assisting a child at school by first observing, taking data and consulting with the child’s family and teacher, wherein the specialist highlights areas of concern and develops a plan for behavior modification. 

The shadow helps the child on a daily basis, first by building rapport with the child and his/her family. The shadow then begins by meeting the child where he/she is 'at'. The next step is challenging the child to develop further self-sufficiency, through open communication and incentive tools. The goal of a shadow is to assist the child without hovering or embarrassing them, while making discrete modifications to their behavior and classroom environment in order to set the child up for success. Oftentimes, the shadow will act as though they are an extra teacher in the classroom so that nobody knows which child is requiring extra help, to protect the child’s privacy. The ultimate goal of shadowing is that the child will reach full independence at school, with a greater awareness of how to self regulate.

Kahlon Family Services also offers shadows to very young children in Early Childhood settings, as well adults with disabilities in the work environment, with similar (but developmentally-appropriate) goals.

How do you know if your child would benefit from a ‘shadow’?
- Has your child’s teacher mentioned that your son/daughter ‘checks out’ regularly in class, and therefore, has great difficulty completing tasks?
- Does your child struggle with sensory integration or an attention deficit?
- Does your child have difficulty with executive function, fine motor skills, impulsivity, following instructions or being part of a group?
- Is your child ‘acting out’ and being sent away from group/educational activities because of behavioral issues? Is he/she ‘in trouble’ most of the time, and missing out on vital learning?
- Has your child’s school mentioned that without extra assistance, your child may be excluded because of behavioral issues or special needs that they can not reasonably accommodate?

If it has been suggested that your child receive extra help, or if you feel as though his/her educational future is jeopardized by any of the above issues, we can help you. Please contact us for a consultation, on kahlonfamilyservices@gmail.com