Hurry Up Halloween!

Have you ever wondered why some things are widely accepted at Halloween and so deeply inappropriate at other times of the year? As adults we have the ability to sort through the social norms associated with this holiday, and it is automatic to us that when we see a grave on someone's front lawn that it's fake. Strangers aren't allowed to give kids candy for 364 days a year, but on Halloween it is totally OK. The scary faces that we carve into pumpkins are considered family fun for the holidays, but check out the photo on this page - scary!

To be honest, some kids are straight-up terrified of Halloween! And can you blame them?

This holiday is frightening for most typically-developing young ones. As they get older, they learn how to navigate the "holiday context" and realize that every child-sized skeleton on the shelves of the supermarket is made of plastic. Kids with Autism Spectrum Disorders take life a lot more literally. You might be surprised that the same kid who explained the Civil War to you back when you were changing his diapers is now still scared of the Halloween aisle in Walgreens at the age of 6. Information is a comfort to kids with delayed emotional understanding, whereas the world of make-believe is a terrifying unknown and causes great anxiety.

So, what can we do to help these kids understand Halloween? 

(1) Be really upfront about the difference between REAL and FAKE. 
When you are at the store, take a walk through the Halloween aisle. If your child is scared, hold his/her hand and make it quick - you don't want to traumatize the poor kid, but you do want to desensitize them. When kids have been exposed to the skeletons, masks and other spooky items, it becomes less scary for them on the night of Halloween. Allow them to touch the items, press buttons on battery-operated toys and laugh with them because they are all pretend. They are just toys!

(2) Explain why it is OK to joke about death at Halloween and not OK the rest of the year. 
Some kids might be fascinated by death, and it is probable that those with social differences will have a hard time distinguishing between appropriate and inappropriate times/places to speak about death. Death is usually treated as a very sad topic, and suddenly in October there is a holiday celebrating blood and gore. If you don't explain to your child about time and place, things could get very awkward next time a kid comes into school saying their Grandma passed away. A great way to reinforce the idea is to use role play - or for older kids - car rides are a great time to discuss the purpose and history of Halloween.

(3) Always accompany your kids when they go Trick or Treating.
It is unsafe for kids to get candy from people they do not know for every other day of the year. It seems like a very 80's concept, but stranger danger is still something to consider. In the interest of our children's safety, make sure you explicitly explain to your child that they should never eat or accept candy from people they don't know without first checking in with an adult that they do know. Likewise, in San Francisco (and probably most other places) it is considered unsafe for kids to Trick or Treat without their parents or carers present. Again, be very purposeful and overt about the way you explain this practice. Go overboard, and let them say, "I get it! I get it!"- but for safety's sake - make sure they get it!

(4) Encourage them to be a part of the holiday, for social skilling purposes.
Being part of a group is difficult for kids with social difficulties. Just because somebody is scared of something doesn't mean they should automatically be exempt from it - we would never grow as whole people if we refused to face our fears. Though, all things in moderation! See what your child can handle, and stretch them a little further than that. Encourage your child to go to the store and pick out a costume themselves, let them help decorate the house and make holiday treats. Once they have some ownership of a task, they are much more likely to get involved with other kids when it comes to Halloween night.

Have fun - and Happy Halloween! 

Danny: For the Wag of a Tail

About a year ago, there was a sick little Dachshund somewhere on the streets of San Francisco. He was homeless, he was starving, he had patchy fur, he would eat anything and everything. He was picked up by the SPCA and taken to the Potrero Hill shelter. And it was there that Danny met Beth.

They found love in a hopeless place.

Since going home with Beth, Danny has completely transformed. All living things need love so that they can grow up strong, and he has found more love than he could've ever imagined. He is well-fed, he is strong, he is so happy, he is a confident and healthy guy with the best collection of scarves of any dog you'll ever meet in your life. In fact, with a bit of love, Danny went from being unwanted to being the most popular dog in town. Danny has found his place in a home, and his place within society helping people with social differences and disabilities. His owner, Beth, works with us at Kahlon Family Services and Danny is one of four dogs in our team. (We'll have to blog about Henry, Jake & Floyd another day. They're all such gorgeous characters from similarly humble SPCA beginnings.)

Danny has a way of knowing exactly what a person needs, and then being that for them. Many of our clients have significant struggles with forming and maintaining friendships - Danny has been a very concrete form of unconditional love and consistency for these kids. For every day one week, Danny visited one of our young guys with social difficulties. This kid has real problems with being flexible and going with the flow makes him painfully anxious. For every day that week, we walked Danny and decided to follow the dog's lead. At first Danny didn't know where he was going in an unfamiliar neighborhood, so the boy helped him out. As we went on, a beautiful compromise started to appear; the boy listened to Danny's ideas and Danny listened to the boy's. Nobody was the boss and nobody was being taken advantage of. That day, the boy understood reciprocity.

Another day, Danny was visiting with a different little guy on the spectrum. This child has a lot of difficulty with eye contact, expressing his feelings appropriately and knowing where his body is in space. This boy likes to be close to people, but sometimes he gets too close for the other person's comfort. (Well, it just so happens that Danny loves to cuddle.) Danny curled up on his lap, the boy wrapped his arms around him and for 3 beautiful seconds they made eye contact. Mutual needs were met.

While Danny is a changed dog now that he has a loving owner and home, we'd be lying if we said he wasn't prone to slipping back into his old ways. Sometimes Danny acts in confusing or silly ways - he is not a trained service dog, but a real life, everyday pet. Danny also works with kids who struggle with their behavior; one in particular who had been expelled from more than one school. Danny came in and loved this boy, who exhibited multiple "unlovable" behaviors. The same child who would hurt and repel other people was consistently gentle and loving towards this dog. The child was taught how to hold the leash and give firm boundaries to Danny, speaking to him in a way that was direct and respectful. This kid learned that when people give you direction, they do it for a reason. He learned that keeping Danny happy and safe was partly his responsibility, and he loved Danny too much to let him make unproductive choices.

Danny continues to work with these kids. On his days off he enjoys long walks by the bay, chewing on dog-bones under tables at coffee shops, running free in Dolores Park, barking at skateboards, wearing scarves, posing for Instagram pictures, taking naps, inspiring people towards achieving their dreams, eating kibble, chasing shadows and cuddling Beth. 

Yoga & Autism

Yoga is fast becoming one of the world's most popular ways to keep our minds and bodies healthy. Studies have shown that yoga significantly benefits our anxiety levels - which is particularly grand for people on the Autism Spectrum. We have worked extensively with children in this population and seen some amazing results. Many of the group yoga programs available for typically developing children are excellent, but can be overwhelming for a child with special needs. We have a modified program that is taught in weekend training sessions all over America, certifying participants to be able to teach the program after the course. If you are interested in booking a training session for your city, school, organization or workplace - contact us on kahlonfamilyservices@gmail.com - or check out our website. Or, if you're local to the Bay Area, we have a training session at Arbor Bay School on the first weekend of November.

YEAS (Yoga Education for Autism Spectrum) is part of what we do at Kahlon Family Services. Vanessa Kahlon developed a program specifically for children on the spectrum. The program helps kids to learn where their bodies are in space, stretch in a way that will help them to self-regulate and make choices to empower them to customize their yoga session. For this, they need a few things to get going - and if you are interested in teaching modified yoga with the YEAS program, you won't need to make a thing! We have done it all for you.

We are so excited to announce that we are launching our first product line on eBay to accompany the program! (To check it out click here to be linked to eBay.)

Presenting... the YEAS Backpack! The only bag o' tricks you'll ever need for the program!

Inside, there are; 

• Visual Picture Schedules
• Choice Boards
• Choice Visual cards
• Yoga Visual Cards (Photos taken in Berkeley with our very own, cute, blue-haired model!)
• Breathing Tools
• Tools for Body Placement
• 15 3D Yoga People
• 1 Eye Mask from Ian's Paradise (An 8yr old boy & his Mom, who make weighted pillows for people with sensory needs)

If you would like to know more about the YEAS program and how to use this bag o' tricks - comment on this post, visit the website or shoot us an email.