Take a Break

Do you ever wonder if there is something that you could do to prevent your child from melting down? Each situation is different, so there is no definitive answer to that question. We have learned, over a decade of experience, that catching a tantrum before it gets out of hand is our best preventative strategy.

You might be wondering if that's even possible.

We have all been in that situation, where your child goes from zero to five hundred immediately. It can be really embarrassing when you're out in public and downright infuriating when you at home. We have 3 words for you that could change the way you handle your child's escalating emotions;

TAKE A BREAK 

What does a break look like?

For some situations, kids need a quiet place to recollect themselves. They may need a book or a blanket, a snack or a snuggle. For other situations, kids need to get out and run. But sometimes running with hype them up, so they need a quick core-engaging workout - like crunches or planking. A "break" is something quick that a child can do to get their body and brain realigned to learn or be part of a group. 

So, how do these words impact your daily life?

(1) Be aware of your child's triggers. If he loses control at birthday parties or events with a lot of people around, prevention is your best medicine. Keep your attendance short at these events - try staying for 45 minutes only, catching the most important parts. Give your child frequent breaks during the event - even if he looks like he has it together. Breaks help kids be more successful. 

(2) Remove your emotional involvement in the heat of the moment. If you find your anxiety level rising with your child's energy - all you need to say is 3 words - Take a Break. Provide a place and a plan for "break times" at home and out of the house. Create a calm space for your child to go, pre-approved activities to be done in the calm space and an expectation that the space will be used appropriately. 

(3) Incorporate breaks into the "together" times of the day. We aim to remove the connotation of "time out" when it comes to breaks. The best breaks are ones that are preventative, not punitive. 

(4) Use fewer words! For the sake of processing, give directions using the fewest words possible. The phrase, "Take a Break" holds an expectation and direction all in one. 

If you have any questions about this post, feel free to contact us on info@kahlonfamilyservices.com 

Raising Thankful Kids

Everyone appreciates a 'Thank You'. When people are truly grateful for things, there is an air about them that others do not possess. People who practice expressions of gratitude are much more pleasant to be around than people who take life for granted. People who are thankful for the things life brings their way have more friends, are more employable and are happier than those who feel like the world owes them something for their very existence. Thankfulness begins in early childhood, and is modeled by parents.

How do we raise kids with an attitude of gratitude?

(1) Model thankfulness. 
The old saying, "Do what I say, not what I do" doesn't fly when it comes to setting an example of being thankful. Ask yourself,
- Do I thank my kids for things? Do I thank them for not just 'doing', but also for 'being'?
- Do I thank others in the presence of my kids?
- Do I thank people not just by saying, "Thank You"; but by writing notes, doing acts of service, reciprocating kindness etc?

(2) Provide opportunities for delayed gratification. 
If you buy your kids everything they want, without them having to ever wait for a special occasion, or earn/save money, you are essentially teaching them that money grows on trees - and that it is really easy to get money trees.  As a parent, it is normal for you to want to buy your kids things - especially things that they want. By controlling your impulse to indulge them without reason, you're showing them the value of waiting. There's nothing wrong with having nice things, but remember that 'things' are temporary and no amount of possessions will ever build character or satisfy your soul. Once your kids start getting everything, they'll start expecting it. Are you ready for that kind of thing?

(3) Regularly give things away. 
Maybe your kids' toy box is overflowing and messing up the whole house. Do they really need all those toys? Are they even all age/developmentally appropriate? Could you think of someone who has less toys - or could you give some to Goodwill? (When explaining concepts like 'Goodwill' be specific - my Mom used to say, "We are giving these clothes to the poor kids" and I had no idea what that meant. In my mind there was some village of kids kicking around a can and wearing my clothes.) Being thankful with what we have stems from knowing that we don't need everything. If you teach your kids to live without things, you're breaking the attachment they have to their belongings. You can actually raise kids who value people over possessions.

(4) Develop awareness of the less fortunate. 
Kids with social differences are likely be deeply impacted by the idea of poverty and/or the third world, in a different way to typically developing children. Remember, the poverty line exists in our own backyard - you may need to travel abroad to find people without clean water, but we don't need to go to Africa to find hungry kids. There is a fine line between creating awareness of the good things we enjoy, without making a child feel guilty for having tasty food, new electronics and fashionable clothing. Keep dialog open about how lucky they are to have the 'extra' things in life, but always in a positive light. Monitor how your child processes profound concepts like poverty - if it is disturbing to them, try and uncover what is bothering them so much. (It is likely that they fear being in poverty themselves, and you can explain why that is extremely unlikely to happen.)

(5) Create a thankfulness ritual. 
Some people say grace before meals, others talk about things they are thankful for on car trips or around the dinner table in conversations. I have found that parents know good times of the day when children are open and receptive to deeper-level conversations, and taking those opportunities as teachable moments will not only build the relationship you have with your child, it will also give you a window into their developing minds.

Happy Thanksgiving! May you have fun with your family, have safe travels and enjoy much turkey/tofurky :)
Wishing you all the best from the team at Kahlon Family Services :)

Toddler Development

Suddenly your little baby is beginning to walk.
Suddenly your little baby can talk.
Suddenly... your little baby's favorite word is, "NO!"
She says it 500 times a day, accompanied by loud screams and temper tantrums.
She cries because you dressed her in jeans when she wants to wear a tutu, she cries because you told her she can't eat the dog food, and she cries because she's "not tired" even though her eyes are half-closed and five minutes later she will fall asleep in the middle of the kitchen floor.
Congratulations, you have a toddler.

Many parents are concerned that they have done something wrong, or that their child is developing abnormally in toddlerhood. For this reason, we are featuring a developmental checklist on The Spectrum this week, sourced from NSW Community. (Click on the link to see all age ranges of childhood development.)

1-2 Years

- Can take 2-3 steps without support
- Crawls up steps
- Can roll a large ball, using both arms
- Finger feeds efficiently
- Beginning to walk independently, with frequent falls
- Climbs up steps
- Climbs onto chairs
- "Dances" in place to music
- Reverts to crawling when in a hurry, instead of walking
- Can't make sudden stops or turns
- Spends a lot of time exploring and manipulating objects; putting them in her mouth, shaking, banging
- Likes to repeat actions that have predictable or interesting results (i.e. banging a spoon on a pot)
- Likes to repeat actions that make things happen (i.e. opening/closing a door, switching lights on and off)
- When frightened, seeks comfort from somebody to whom they are attached
- Takes cue from primary attachment figure as to how to receive strangers (i.e. If the parent finds the person friendly, the toddler will know how to feel about the person)
- Can drink from a cup
- Stacks 2 blocks
- Puts an object into a container and tips it out again
- Will try to use a spoon or fork (awkwardly)
- Will assist another in distress by patting or offering physical objects
- Will begin to utter one word sentences
- Will point to eyes, nose and mouth in a game with an adult
- Points to things
- Will recognize himself in a mirror
- Comprehends simple questions and demands
- May play alongside other toddlers
- Imitates parents
- Avoids obstacles
- Imitates animal sounds
- Likes books

If you are concerned that your child isn't reaching all of these milestones, remember that all children develop differently. If you are concerned that your child isn't reaching most of these milestones by age 2, contact your pediatrician for a check up.