Holiday Party Success

If you have children with sensory sensitivities, attending holiday parties can be a nightmare. Amidst the flashing lights of Christmas trees, burning flames on a Chanukiah, crowded rooms and festive singing, you may find that your child is completely overstimulated - and you are completely stressed out. On top of it all, you will probably be surrounded by long lost relatives who have no idea about Sensory Processing Disorder.

How will you survive the season, while saving face when it comes to the burning stares of your family?

(1) Keep it short and sweet
How long do you expect your child to keep it together? Figure out the 'base line' when it comes to your child's behavior - if he tends to melt down after 45 minutes at a play date or a party, consider only keeping him in those kinds of situations for 45 minutes. Aim to leave on a good note! It's better to leave and have people wonder why your child needed to go, rather than stay and have them realize why you should've left.

(2) Provide breaks
When you see that your child's behavior is escalating, try taking him away from the crowd for some quiet time. Maybe he needs to blow off some steam and run laps, maybe he needs some core-engaging stretches, or maybe he would benefit from curling up with a book and a cuddle. You know your own kids, watch their actions and be attentive to how you can help set them up for success.

(3) Keep the main thing, the main thing. 
Think about this: What is the most important part of this party? When you figure it out, you will know how far you should push your sensory-sensitive child to engage with the event. If the "main thing" is dinner, practice table manners ahead of time and lay out the exact expectations for your child. If the "main thing" is spending time with family members, prompt your child with ways in which she can connect with particular people. (Keep your expectations realistic - a 7yo child won't naturally have a lot to say to a Great Grandma she has never met.)

(4) Be aware of triggers 
What are your child's triggers? If loud environments trigger behaviors, how can you limit your child's exposure to overstimulating volumes? If you can't control the time frame, be prepared to supervise him closely and act as his "external regulator". If you see that he is becoming disregulated, take him away for a break and return when he is calm. Knowing your child's triggers is the best strategy towards preventing undesirable behaviors.

(5) Awareness
This might be awkward, but have you tried explaining Sensory Integration to your family? They might not understand why you are so vigilant with your child's environment and behavior, and may think that some of your strategies are weird. If you are able to tell more of your network about your child's differences, you may find that they start to accept your child's differences and treat situations with more thoughtfulness.

Happy Holidays from all of us at Kahlon Family Services!

This is boring.

Boredom is something that most of us feel on a daily basis. Nobody enjoys being bored, and very few people embrace it. With the rise of smart phones, we adults rarely allow ourselves to be bored. There is always something to check, something to learn, a status update to like, a picture to snap - the list goes on and on. With all of these 'fillers', we wonder what the next generation will learn about boredom? Will they learn to fill all of their downtime with screens?

We think that boredom can be a very good thing. Kids are having more screen time now than ever before, and while there are some great sanity-saving benefits, screens might be doing more harm than good. We constantly meet parents whose children have become addicted to their iPads, which have created a lot of negative and obsessive behaviors. Constant screen time is also associated with antisocial behaviors, as we know in adulthood, relates to the feeling that people aren't truly present in life if they are always on their phones.

Maybe we need some good ole' fashioned boredom!

What boredom teaches kids:

(1) Creativity
When you allow your children to experience boredom, they will learn to fill their time with other activities. Can your kids entertain themselves with limited resources? Why don't you try naming all 50 states. Can they make a game out of nothing? Why don't you try finding everything in the room that starts with 'S'. While waiting for food at a restaurant, are they kept amused by paper and a pen? Have you heard of the game called dots? Click here for an online example, but you can literally play this with a pen and a napkin. While you wait in line at the airport security check-in, why don't you play the hat game? All you need to do is take turns coming up with all the different types of hats you can think of. We'll start you off - baseball cap, beanie, fez, yarmulke, visor... your turn!

(2) Self Control
Exposing your children to boring situations from a young age teaches them that the world doesn't revolve around their comfort. Sometimes we think that we have to thrust an iPad into the hand of a whining child the minute some kind of boring or lengthy situation occurs. Yes, it's far easier to keep them amused with screens, but you may be creating a rod for your own back. What will happen the day the battery is flat, or you get an important call while your child is playing Minecraft on your phone?

(3) Problem Solving
Problem: This trip to Great Aunt Mildred's house isn't fun because there's "nothing to do". Solution: Find something to do. If you keep solving problems for your children, they won't know how to be resilient. While fixing their kid-sized problems now feels like the easiest way to stay sane, as they grow their problems grow with them. Are you preparing your children for real life?

(4) Patience
A couple of weeks ago, we blogged about curbing childhood impulsivity. Despite the special needs that your child may face, you are still able to teach them to be patient. Nothing of worth ever comes quickly or easily, so let this liberate you towards directly teaching your child patience. It may feel mean, but consider the long-term goals.

This week, think of some ways in which you can create some strategically boring situations for your children and encourage their creativity!

Yes, No, Maybe : Choosing Your Battles

Raising children is the hardest job in the world. Most parents would agree that it would be easier if we had a playbook of definitive rules, instead of a myriad of possibilities. There are so many tiny choices imbedded in everyday life and we all wonder if one wrong decision will deeply impact our children. But then again, we are bombarded with magazines, blogs and professionals who confuse our sensibilities of 'right' and 'wrong' parenting ideals - if such concepts even exist.

While running the risk of completely ironically telling you how to parent your children, we have a few tips when it comes to choosing your battles. Some days you can face a screamfest head-on, other days you simply could not be bothered.


(1) While we recognize that consistency is key to daily parenting life, we'd like to really honestly admit that we aren't consistent all the time. In fact, nobody is. The core of consistency is giving your child an expectation of how to behave in certain contexts. There are always exceptions to the rules - routine changes, sickness, tiredness, special occasions to name a few. Be as consistent as possible, but model the same kind of mental flexibility you would hope your children to be able to employ.

(2) Instead of saying, "No," all the time, try saying, "Yes." How? At first, restrict the things that your child is allowed to do, and then open up further privileges and possibilities once she proves that she can cope with the responsibility. For example, keep an earlier bedtime for a child until they can function on less sleep and still get everything they need done (e.g. Homework, chores etc.) It is so much more liberating and dignified to be able to grant your child access to things they would like, instead of taking away privileges you have given to them too early on.

(3) When your child asks you for something, ask yourself, "Will this affect the future?" This might seem like an intense question, but it will help you decide when to say yes, no or maybe. Sometimes, the first time you permit an activity, you are starting something that you will later regret. Maybe you can relate with that first soda you let your child drink, that