Why won't this work?

“We keep taking all of his toys away and nothing is working, HELP!”  

Why is it that as human beings we think that by taking things away we will get the results that we want from another person? This seems to happen in all relationships through life, but more frequently (if not every day) between adults and children.  When we do behavioral consultations we hear this over and over again, while well-meaning parents explain that consequences don’t work. It is important for kids to understand that their behaviors do have a consequence just like adults do, but at what expense? If the child loses an item every day as a consequence for negative behavior, and doesn’t know when s/he will get the item back, the consequences might not work.  The child might be thinking that no matter what s/he does he will lose something, so what’s the point of behaving well? In this case, the parent is right and consequences really aren’t working. The negative behaviors will only continue.   So, what can a parent do?

You can say, "Rewind!", "Let's try that again," or, "How could you do this differently," to let the child have a second chance. Taking things away at the moment the behavior occurs doesn't give the child a chance to change the behavior. Teaching the child that there are other options is very important for moving forward. Every time you want to take something away, think of it as a learning opportunity - this is a time to teach your child a new way to act.  Once you experience multiple days of frustration (both parties) it is important to take time out from life and spend quality time together. This isn’t about reinforcing negative behaviors, but about building the relationships, as we must do as adults with out partner.  

Building an unconditional relationship with your child will show that you love them, apart from their behavior. Building quality time into your day should not be conditional on your child's actions - instead of taking away story time if your child had a giant tantrum, try using story time as a way to repair what has been broken by the frustration of raising kids. Building relationships and teaching your child new ways to respond to life, will change behavior faster than any negative consequences. 

More importantly, it will keep you sane. 

Youth Mentoring

High school years and beyond are a tough time to navigate. There are so many decisions to be made, and so many habits to be formed. When you look back over your late teens and early twenties, think about how many things you had to learn the hard way!

At Kahlon Family Services, we are very excited to announce the launch of our mentoring program, for young people struggling to make goals, find direction and gain ground with their lives. While many of our services address the needs of individuals on the Autism Spectrum, behavioral differences and disabilities, our mentoring program is aimed at helping fuel the lives of any young person needing some extra help taking life's next steps.

Whether it's helping to create and stick to a budget, discovering passions and possible career paths, applying for further education or learning the skills for developing a healthier lifestyle, we can provide a specialist ready to meet with the client and help them on their way to results. 

If you are interested in knowing more about our mentoring services, email us on info@kahlonfamilyservices.com 

Body Breaks in the Classroom

A collection of Body Break cards in a third grade classroom 

At Kahlon Family Services, we have School Shadowing services, where a Behavior Specialist will go to school with a child who has special needs and help them learn to their very best potential. One of the most important elements of shadowing a child, is allowing them breaks during the day to get their mind and body back in the game. Through experience, we have developed a thorough system that works best for kids - giving them a good break, and getting them back into the classroom - fast!

The best part about a good body break, is that all children can benefit, not just those with special needs. It is for this reason that we like to write down some suggestions on index cards and set them up in the classroom, for all kids to use, at any time during the day.

__________

(1) Get Your Body Moving
Walk, run, skip, lunge or march! For a twist, try bear walking (like downward dog pose, walking on hands and feet) or crab walking (face up, walking on hands and feet). Kids with high levels of energy and low levels of attention need to move, in order to be contributing members of a classroom community. If you have a child (or student) constantly milling around the room, impulsively calling out or being generally disruptive - allow them some scheduled time to move!

(2)Get Your Heart Rate Up
Jumping jacks, push ups, jogging on the spot, cross-crawls, hula hooping, jump rope - can you think of more ways? Try and wear these kids out! Seems like mission impossible - but become their drill sergeant and see how much more focused they can be when they've burned off some significant steam.

(3) Work Your Core
Sit ups, crunches, scissor kicks, planking, "Superman" (laying face down on the floor, then lifting head, arms and legs for 10 seconds x 3 repetitions) - or any core-engaging yoga pose. Core strength is so important for kids, their attention spans, the ability to sit for longer periods of time and developing their play skills.

(4) Calm Your Body 
Before re-entering a classroom, or a situation where they are expected to be calm, the child needs to calm their body. We need to send them back in already set up for success! (This is why simply giving them time to run around and return to the room isn't enough for a lot of high-energy kids - they'll just return more hyped up). Try one minute of deep breathing, with models like "Lazy 8's" (by Zones of Regulation), bubble breaths (raise your arms like a big, round bubble on the inhale, exhale by lowering your arms slowly) or simply ask them to lay on the floor and focus on breathing.