Holiday Gift Social Skills

When it comes to gift giving and receiving, many kids have a lot to learn. As parents, it is our responsibility to teach our children socially appropriate ways to act when it comes to gifts. We have come up with a few common areas of awkwardness that happen around the holidays, and ways to get around them.  Role play, talk about these over dinner time and play pretend with these scenarios.

(1) What to do if you don’t like a gift
This happens! Let’s be honest – we have all been given something we don’t like. This is where we teach our kids to use their ‘social filter.’ On some occasions, it is completely OK to stretch the truth.  Explain to your kids that you don’t have to say you love it if you don’t, but have an expectation of at least saying, “thank you.”

(2) What to do if you already have the gift

Our rule of thumb is – if there is a gift receipt, or an offer to exchange the gift, it is totally appropriate to accept the offer. If not, you could teach your kids to say a positive comment about how having more than one of something is great. If you’re concerned that what your child might say next will be inappropriate, ask them to simply say, “thank you,” and not mention that they already have that item. 

(3) What to do if you don’t get a gift

It helps to identify that gifts are undeserved, and given on a completely voluntary basis. You can help your child label their emotion as being, “disappointed,” but in order to teach appropriate social skills, we recommend not to dwell on that disappointment. Shrug it off! Sometimes you get a gift, sometimes you don’t.

(4) What to do if you get a card

When a card is stuck to the front of a present, teach your children to open the card first. Taking the time to read the card shows the giver that you care about them, not just about what you are getting. Also, if there is no gift but there is a card, prep your kids on etiquette when it comes to appreciating a card by itself. Young children are unlikely to care deeply about words on a card, but you can still model appreciation in the moment.

Lastly, don’t feel bad if your child exhibits inappropriate holiday behavior. Believe us, this is very common! All of the excitement about the holidays can lead to a crash once the parties start happening, sugar starts being eaten and tiredness sets in. Ride the wave, stay consistent – January will be here before you know it!

What to do on Rainy Days

Today's storm has all of the Bay Area stuck indoors, so we thought we'd spare a thought (and some ideas) to parents who are not only working from home today - but also managing the kids! Since you can't send them to the playground right now, here's a list of 10 things you can do inside.

(1) TV
Don't feel bad about it, there are a lot of hours to kill. We recommend limiting TV time on these days to two episodes of a show, or one feature length movie. Pop some popcorn, stay in your PJs and relax.

(2) Computer/iPad
Again, don't feel bad - just make boundaries. Maybe your child needs to have breakfast eaten, teeth and hair brushed, clothes on and bed made... then they can have 20 minutes of an educational game. They will spend the whole day asking for the iPad, so why not create limits that are win-win.

(3) Baking
Provided you have the ingredients ready to roll, what child doesn't love whipping up a cake?

What if the power goes out?

(4) Construction Challenges
How high can they build a tower out of Kapla blocks or Legos? How do they need to alter the foundation or base of the structure to get it taller? How wide can they build a city? How elaborate can the city be? What are the laws of the city? Invent, invent, invent!

(5) Board Games
Dust off that pile of games you have in the garage! Kids love playing board games with their parents, because it's an opportunity to level the playing field when it comes to finances, experiences and strategy. Playing board games is also a great way for kids to learn communication, wise financial moves and deals.

(6) Craft
Craft can be anything, made from whatever you have lying around. Extend your child's creativity by not buying fancy craft materials - upcycle garbage and see what becomes of it all. You might just see jet packs out of cereal boxes, wands made out of sticks and cars made from old packing boxes.

(7) The "Hat Game"
This one is great for times when you're waiting. What kinds of hats can you name? Take turns until nobody can think of any more hats. For example; police hat, baseball hat, beanie, fez, beret...

(8) Word at a time story
This is another great "waiting" game - each say one word at a time, building on what the last person has said. Sometimes you'll need boundaries around potty talk, or saying "then he died" (which finishes the whole story). Most importantly, this game causes children to build on the ideas of others instead of stealing the spotlight for themselves.

(9) Drawing Games
Fold a piece of paper in three parts. One person draws a crazy head, then passes the paper to the person beside them. That person draws in the middle section of the paper, a completely unrelated and creative torso. Then the paper is passed again, where another person draws funny feet. Open up the paper and... voila! You have a crazy monster.
(NB: Don't forget to extend the neck to the second third of the page, and the legs to the third, so that the picture connects in all the right places)

(10) Junk Mail "shopping"
Since it's the holidays, grab that pile of junk mail and do some "window" shopping. Each page of the catalogue has numerous kid-friendly items, and children can play in partners by quickly pointing to one item that they would like on the page. If someone already chose it, they have to choose something else. This game is a great way to explain the idea that sometimes we want things, and we can really like things, but we don't need to buy them. We can pretend to buy something and also have fun. 

Surviving the Party Season

So, we've made it through Thanksgiving and Halloween! Hopefully you're on the other side with enough sanity to make it through December. The party season has only just begun, so we have some tips for making this season one of success for families whose kids have social anxiety and sensory sensitivities.

(1) Prep! 
Let your child know in advance which parties they have been invited to join, and what they can expect when they arrive. Who will be there? What kind of food might be there? Which food can/can't your child eat? What is the strategy for situations that need adult intervention?

(2) Break Space
Find a physical space for your child to take a break when he needs it. If you're attending a house party, ask the host if you can use a bedroom for a cool-down zone - or if it's a daytime party - maybe take a walk around the block if things get rough. Have a plan and focus on preventing meltdowns instead of just fixing the damage after they've already happened.

(3) Short 'n Sweet
Don't expect your child to stay regulated for hours at a party. Learn to leave before the meltdown happens - always aim to leave on a positive note. This might mean staying for 45 minutes and making an excuse to go home, and that is totally OK.

(4) Kid Parties vs. Adult Parties
For events that are geared towards adults, consider getting a babysitter - even if kids are welcome at the party. Some parties are worth attending without your children, so that you can relax and let your hair down. For all you know, the choice to leave the kids at home could be very mutually beneficial - they might enjoy pizza and a movie with the babysitter more than a hectic party.

(5) Be Flexible
You might need to loosen your standards on behavior when it comes to a party. Watch the other (possibly typically developing) kids and see how they are behaving - some craziness is allowed at a party! Sensory sensitive kids tend to have a hard time knowing when to calm down after high-energy situations at parties - this is where you step in. Coach your child through calming down by taking a break and providing deep pressure, like a bear hug. Take five minutes to read a quiet book together, then go back to the festivities.