Stress Less - (Part 2) Time Management

If you are stressed out, ask yourself about how you're managing your time. Do you ever sit down and take inventory of how you spend your days? What do you fill them with?

Make a Time Budget 
The first step in successful financial budgeting is to spend time figuring out where your money is going. Money and time are more alike than we care to realize - unless you're a bazillionaire, there is probably a limit on your finance, and we all know even the most leisurely of people only have 24 hours in a day. Time is a limited resource: Spend some of it figuring out where you're spending the rest of it.

To make a time budget, for the next week write down everything you do and how long you spend doing it. Keep track of it in your phone or a notebook in your purse or something. Take a good look at how you are using your time - does it reflect your priorities? Do you even know what your priorities are - as a wife/husband/partner/parent/family? When you have kids, your priorities cease to be exclusively your own. Maybe you could sit down with your spouse, or call a family meeting to come up with a list of what is truly important and how you can all use your time to reflect where you're going as a family.

Carve out time for yourself 
As a parent, you probably feel guilty taking time for yourself. With a time budget you can factor in time every day for some solitude - think outside the box! If you are a stay-at-home parent, learn to put down the laundry basket for 15 minutes and grab a cup of coffee while the kids are at school. Maybe you could schedule in a walk every day - with a dual purpose of getting exercise and clearing your head. If you are a working parent, take advantage of the commute to and from work. Whether you are in the car or public transit, learn to "switch off" and enjoy the solitude rather than complain about the traffic. There are little windows in every day, if you just look for them! Sometimes they may be as simple as going to the bathroom without a toddler following behind you. Whatever they are, own them!

Learn to say, "No"
Have you guys seen that movie Yes Man? The concept behind it is a club of people who have to say YES to every opportunity that comes their way. At first, it is terrifying. Then it becomes really liberating, and the characters realize that they are introduced to a whole world of possibilities when they step out of their comfort zone. Until finally (spoiler alert!) the characters realize that when they are bound to saying YES, they become worn out. Moral of the story? Everything in moderation. You may find happiness in saying YES to some things, but saying YES to everything is not likely to be beneficial to yourself - and especially your role as a parent. What is more important? Pleasing "people" or raising your kids with your full attention? Take inventory of your commitments - are you over committed? Are you under committed? Are you spending your time on things that reflect your family's priorities?

Schedule in down time 
Is your life one activity to the next? Do you find yourself ferrying kids all over town every day after school? No wonder you're stressed out! Chances are, your kids are probably pretty stressed out too. Take a look at your time budget, and have a think about your kids' time budgets. Are you all doing too much? Do you ever have time to come home, kick off your shoes and relax? Maybe you should try it sometime! Do you have time to spend with your kids making dinner, going for a walk, gardening or baking? Constant scheduled activity is a danger of modern urban life. Try and develop a home-life. You might just find it helps you to slow down and simplify.

Think about where your time is going. Manage it. And stress less. 

Talking About Tragedy.

In the wake of Friday's horrific shooting in Connecticut, we are noticing more and more parents are concerned with how to talk with their children about the tragedy. It is extremely difficult to talk with kids about the deaths of children their own age, and especially deaths that occurred within a school context. This is also particularly difficult for those whose children are developmentally different, or on the Autism Spectrum. Part of Autism is a dysfunction in processing emotion and reading social situations, which can create some awkwardly inappropriate reactions to tragedy. Please understand that it is likely that your child isn't trying to be morbid, they are probably just trying to piece together what happened.

Like always, it is imperative that you use appropriate descriptions when explaining anything upsetting. Leave out unnecessary details, especially those which may cause anxiety in your child. You don't need to 'shelter' your kids, but use your knowledge of their development to gauge how much they need to know. For example, they don't need to know the type of gun or which class was shot at first - avoid parallels to their everyday world. Monitor your child's anxiety level by checking in with them on a regular basis, while also being aware of their non-verbal cues that may point to heightened anxiety. For children on the spectrum, a common reaction to anxiety is escaping into the safety of their fixations and fantasy world. If you see this happening, rather than immediately trying to discourage the behaviors, try to understand that this is their way of coping with the world. Perhaps you could take your child out of the house, or provide alternative activities - especially those which are conducive to open dialogue about what has happened.

Be aware of how much media your child has access to. The problem with the news is that it is unfiltered, aimed at an adult audience and often biased. We recommend that you only let young children watch the news while accompanied by an adult. There have been kids we've known who have been extremely freaked out by environmental protests on the news, let alone the reaction they'd have toward mass murder. Your child may never tell you how much something plays on their mind, so you may have to learn to leave space so that they don't have to communicate with words. Even if your child is unresponsive, putting aside time to be present with them is crucial to understanding how their emotions work. Remember that silence doesn't have to be awkward - your child may need a minute to gather their thoughts before speaking. This can sometimes seem like the child is ignoring you and this may not be the case. Don't speak too soon - leave space.

Children should know that this kind of tragedy is very rare, and very unlikely to happen to them. Demystify mental illness at a young age - remove the stigma associated. Mental illness is evident in the lives of people we know and love - just like kids with Autism have differences in their brains, people with mental illness have differences in the chemicals in their brains. If we can raise a generation of kids who are educated and sensitive to people who are different, we will see a new world emerge. This doesn't mean we have to agree with (or side with) a person who has killed or harmed others, but instead we can show understanding to the neurological differences in their brains without hatred. 

We are deeply saddened by these events, and sending our thoughts and prayers to all of the people involved. 

The Gift of Giving

It's that time of year, where everything starts to get a bit festive.

We light candles, we sing songs, we feed our kids tons of sugar (in the form of gelt, candy canes, gingerbread houses, jelly donuts... the terrifying/delicious list goes on) and gather together as a family. Whatever you celebrate, your holiday season probably involves gifts. Gifts are a two-way street; there is a giver and a recipient. Since the holidays are usually focused on kids (and kids have no income -bar pocket money) it's pretty common to forget that kids can be active participants in gift giving.

Teaching your kids how to give 

(1) Gifts don't have to cost much/anything
Even if you are a millionaire, it is worth teaching your kids that gift-giving isn't about monetary value. In fact, if you are blessed enough to be a wealthy family, it is all the more important (in our opinion) to teach your kids that money can never buy the most important things in life. It could be a fun tradition, no matter what financial state your family's in, to include some handmade gifts in the holiday season. A personalized bracelet, an iTunes playlist, a printed photo from your iPhone, a drawing - anything that is totally and exclusively from you only. These kinds of things create memories, not just landfill.

(2) It's the thought that counts
If you have a child with social differences, you will know how vitally important it is to model empathic behavior to your children. The thing about gift-giving is that it encourages people to think outside of themselves and about what somebody else would enjoy. Spend time with your kids, helping them to make a list of who they are giving gifts to. Once you have a list, talk with your kids about what each person likes and what kind of gift would suit them. Make a budget and a timeline - how much money will they have to spend, what kind of resources will they need to buy, how long will it take to get everyone's gifts organized? Not only does this teach empathy, but it also teaches your kids to manage time and money.

(3) Generosity through generations 
If you model generosity year-round to your children, they are more likely to get excited about giving during the holiday season. As parents, it is your job to teach your kids how the world works - and in that sense - you have the opportunity to show them the kind of world you'd like them to create. Let's face it, people who act with generosity are a joy to be around.

Whichever holidays you celebrate, and however you choose to celebrate them, we hope that you all can experience the joys of giving and togetherness. From all of us at Kahlon Family Services, we wish you a safe and happy holiday season.