The Value of "Time In"

This is going to seem like crazy logic... But what if you traded "time out" for "time in"?
Hear us out - OK?

If you're honest, you'll admit that when your children act out you'd probably prefer to send them to their room instead of sitting in a quiet place with them while they calm down. It is against your human nature to want to draw closer to a human being that is driving you crazy. You might also be thinking, "Wait - isn't that rewarding unacceptable behavior?" Truthfully, it depends how you do time-in.

"Time IN" is the opposite of time out. Instead of sending your child to be alone after he misbehaves, you accompany him to a quiet area to help him calm down. This is not meant to be fun, but instead, a very tangible way of showing him that you will be there through anything.

(1) Spend 10 minutes of uninterrupted, child-led playtime with your son or daughter every day. 
It doesn't matter if he punched someone in the face at school, or if she just told you that she hates you. They are separate issues to deal with, and obviously are not things to treat lightly. Quality time, especially in the face of behaviorally challenging seasons, is a giant investment into your child's future. More than money can buy, time will establish an opinion within your child that she is worth loving - every single day. This will actually greatly reduce your child's longing for attention, and therefore meet a need that causes the most behavioral problems.

(2) Time in is togetherness. 
If you make a habit of carving out unconditional quality time for your child every day, providing "time in" instead of time out as a behavior management strategy will not be the kind of attention your child is craving. She would much prefer playing with toys and reading books.

So, time IN is in many ways like time OUT, but it involves both parent and child. Set a timer, only engage in conversation when your child is calm, hold her if she is physically unable to calm herself, and finish the session with forgiveness. Talking about what has happened is only important in the debrief - do your best to let go of the offense after the time-in.

Go ahead... give it a try. And let us know how it goes! Email us at info@kahlonfamilyservices.com