Say Yes

Do you find yourself being exhausted by having to say no so often? Maybe you don't have to...
Saying yes isn't about letting your child do whatever they like, nor is it about being afraid of saying no. We have some ideas to help you say yes more, making more positive interactions for your family.

(1) Provide choices
Create firm boundaries around what you're willing to agree to, and your answer will always be yes. By giving your child two or three choices of things they're allowed to do, they will feel as though they have control over what they are choosing - while you are setting up a positive interaction.

(2) Yes, when...
If your child asks to do something, and your initial reaction is to say no, consider saying, "Yes, when..." Can he have screen time? Yes, when he finishes his homework. Can she have ice cream? Yes, when she's eaten her dinner.

(3) Set up success 
Are you setting your child up for success? When you provide opportunities for positive choices, your children will be more apt to choose options that you will say yes to.

(4) Choose your battles
What would happen if you said yes to this? Looking at your day as a whole, looking at your family values, looking at your personal parenting philosophy- is this a big or small decision?

(5) Play!
When was the last time that you sat down with your kids and played with them? Ten minutes a day of focused play time will dramatically improve your relationship with your children, which will undoubtedly increase the amount of times that you can choose to say yes. 

Small Changes Make Big Differences

Sometimes while raising kids, it feels like you're chasing your tail. As parents, we get so entrenched in our habits and ways, that we forget there's more than one road that leads to Rome. If we show flexibility in our behavior, we are modeling invaluable life skills to our children. By making some small changes to the way we parent, we can make the biggest differences.

(1) Communicate with your partner
If you take anything at all away from this post, take this: Talk to your parenting partner. Communicate your expectations, discuss how you disagree with disciplinary strategies they use and get yourselves on the same page. When children can't triangulate, the adults are in charge. When adults are in charge, kids can be free to have a childhood. Also, most children feel safe when given clear boundaries - even if they would never admit it.

(2) Modify your language 
Let's eradicate 'good' and 'bad' from our vocabulary. Choose language that is more specific, language that establishes grey areas and language that labels the behavior, rather than the person. What does it even mean to be 'a good girl'? By acknowledging your child's positive choices in 'real time' they'll have a more solid understanding of what's expected in the future.

(3) Create expectations
By telling children your expectations of their behavior, you are painting a positive picture ahead of time. In other words, you're setting them up for success - rather than preparing them for failure. Before you do something, lay out the behavior that you want to see and watch your kids rise to the challenge.

(4) Be the parent, not a friend
Children get one set of parents, and a limitless number of people who can be called friends. Remember the importance of being their parents, and define the very things that you can do that nobody else can.

(5) Have fun!
When was the last time you played with your child? When was the last time you sat on the floor and followed their lead? Be an astronaut, draw crazy pictures, allow your imagination to run wild. Playing is how children learn, so be a part of their education - and play!

"Move With Me Yoga Adventures" Certification

The very first certified group

As our regular readers know, we have previously featured our good friend Leah Kalish and her innovative program (Move With Me Yoga Adventures) on our blog. Last weekend, the core team at Kahlon Family Services were lucky enough to attend the very first Move With Me certification in Santa Monica, CA.

Move With Me is a curriculum for Early Childhood educators, focusing on the key learning areas of the school standards - specifically focused on a holistic view of health. Covering physical activity, mental health, nutrition and mindfulness - this curriculum is a proactive health program for all children.

Over the weekend, the training focused on how the areas of our brains affect our behavior. By taking a moment to establish our state of mind, we're able to then connect the mind and body in order to achieve self regulation. Our team (Vanessa, Kelly and Amy) came with the intention of learning new techniques to enhance our current yoga teaching practice. We left with our intentions met, and learning beyond our expectation.

Because believe that lifelong learning is vital, especially when working in a field like yoga. Since yoga can be modified to suit the needs of all demographics, learning new skills is an absolute necessity. Leah's training was a great asset to the ongoing professional development of our team, not to mention, a fun weekend spent with a new learning community.

We highly recommend checking out the Move With Me website and curriculum. If you're in Pittsburgh, Washington DC or NYC you have a chance to sign up for the upcoming trainings - get in fast! Don't miss the opportunity to be trained in a very practical way to help the next generation.

The Diagnosis Conversation

At some point, all children with special needs will get to a stage where they realize that they are different. Whether you wait until then, or preempt the curiosity - most parents will talk to their children about their differences. How do you talk to your child about something so huge?

Speak their Language
When dropping information about diagnoses like Autism, use language that your child will understand. Instead of figurative speech (which can be confusing), use literal and logical language. Use vocabulary that suits the way they speak - be careful not to make the delivery babyish, or far too sophisticated for their level of understanding.

Focus on Strengths
With Autism, there are very clear strengths to be recognized. In particular, many people on the spectrum have extraordinary abilities and very high IQs. When your child finds out that they have differences, it can be comforting to know that there are some advantages. Point out your child's specific skills and celebrate the amazing parts of their diagnosis.

Be Honest 
If the child has Autism, think about how literal they can be. By skirting around the details, you are giving your child a false representation of their diagnosis. Obviously, only present developmentally appropriate information, but be honest within that boundary. Treat your child with respect, and help them to grow by honesty.

Timing is Everything
Is your child ready for this information? Is it a secret, or is s/he able to talk about their diagnosis openly with others? Talk to the professionals that work with your child, to gauge their opinions about whether or not this is the right time to talk about their diagnosis.

Be Available
It is likely that your child will take some time to process this information. Provide them with books or websites that can help explain their diagnosis, and it might be a good idea to link adolescents with a support group or safe-space online forum. As parents, don't push your child to talk about their feelings. Stay open, stay available for when they seek to talk to you.

Use Your Support Systems 
If you feel comfortable, share with your support system the fact that your child has found out about their diagnosis. A trusted Aunt, Uncle, Coach or family friend might provide support when your child is having a hard time coming to terms with what it means to be socially different.