5 Tips for Stress-Free Play Dates for Kids with Social Challenges

(1) Structure
Some of the most successful play dates involve one very specific task. You might go bowling, do some painting, jump at a bounce house, bake cookies or watch a movie - but keep it to just one thing. Avoid unstructured, open-ended play dates at other children's houses, as these can be overwhelming for kids with social differences. Also, if your child has a meltdown in a public space (or at your house) you will feel more calm, rather than walking on eggshells in another family's home.

(2) Facilitation
For young children in particular, it is so important to facilitate play dates. This means that you set the kids up for success, by helping them to have kind, calm and mutual conversation. For older children on the Autism Spectrum, this could involve gently steering your child away from dominating conversation talking about their special interest, and helping them to engage with the other person. Facilitating a play date is not about micromanaging social interactions, but more about providing support for a developing skill.

(3) Time Limit
For children with behavioral challenges (like meltdowns, hitting, biting etc.) we recommend 45 minutes as a baseline. Even if your child is doing well at the 45 minute mark, avoid staying longer because your goal is to leave while things are successful. Those extra 5-10 minutes could make or break the experience, not just for your family, but for the ongoing relationship with the other child and their family. After a few successful 45 minute play dates, you can extend. Quality time over quantity time.

(4) Sensory Sensitivity
What are your child's triggers? If loud places with too many people send your child into overstimulation, avoid these like the plague. If you think it's likely that a certain environment will cause your child to meltdown, it is absolutely not worth the risk - especially with a new friendship. Where birthday parties (or other events where you aren't in control of the environment) occur, come prepared with noise canceling headphones, sunglasses, fidgets, sensory brushes, crunchy food and other items that will help recalibrate the sensory system.

(5) Take Breaks 
Don't be embarrassed to take your child for a quick break away from the action of a play date. If five minutes of deep pressure squeezing, deep breathing, crab walks, running laps or sensory brushing calms your child - go for it! Studies show that people are more receptive at the start of any activity, so taking breaks means that there are more opportunities to "start." You can be as private as you like about this, depending on your relationship with the other family.