Featured Blog: "Inclusion: We Need Your Help!" by Heather Avis

Through the wonderful world of Instagram, Heather Avis has become a 'favorite faraway friend' of Kahlon Family Services. The Avis Family is made of Josh, Heather and their three kids (left to right) August, Truly and Macyn. Josh and Heather's lives became so much brighter when they adopted Macyn seven years ago  - a tiny baby with Down Syndrome, who needed an oxygen tank to breathe. They adopted Truly Star three years later, and two years ago the Avis family added August (who also has Down Syndrome) to their clan. They live happily, and healthily in Los Angeles, California. 

The following is an excerpt of a blog titled, "Back to School: WE NEED YOUR HELP!" from Heather's blog The Lucky Few. This post serves as a wake up call to the ways in which children with disabilities are treated in mainstream schools. Heather knows that full inclusion is not the best choice for all children with special needs, but is passionate about changing the mindset of the general public towards people with differences. 

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WE NEED YOUR HELP!

by Heather Avis 

Did you know the majority of schools in the United States are still segregated? That's right. Go into your child's school and ask them where they put the kids with special needs. I bet ya $2 it's in some back room, towards the end of a hallway or in a corner somewhere. (Today I heard about a friend whose daughter has Down Syndrome having a separate entrance! In California! No joke!) And even when this isn't the case, these students are probably still lumped together and given an opportunity to join in with the general population for recess and assemblies (where they continue to "join in" all clumped together ... that is not inclusion my friends.) 

Last year I had a less-than-lovely experience when my daughter Macyn started kindergarten. I, of course, found myself frustrated at the system when "the powers that be" supported and allowed my child to go into a separate classroom. I found myself particularly frustrated when the parents of the typically developing kids had no thoughts whatsoever about the injustice of segregating kids who had special needs.

Macy's kindergarten photo 

I'll give you an example of something that happened when Macy began kindergarten. There were about 10 children in her special education class - most of which had parents who made a fuss about wanting them to be fully included in the general education classes. All of them were told it was not an option. Down the hall, were three or four general education classes, making up approximately 60 students. None of these parents made a fuss about wanting children with special needs included in their class. 

Imagine if parents of typical children understood the value of having children with different abilities included in their child's classroom. Imagine if they stood with the parents of the 10 kids in the corner, in the classroom at the end of the hallway, in the back room somewhere. Within schools, there are so few parents who have children with special needs and most (not all) would like their child to be part of the group. We want our kids to be wanted and valued - not tolerated or allowed to be included because we showed up to school with a lawyer. 

(Side note: I know not all parents want their child to be fully included within their school. Some children with different abilities need a setting that can only be accessed through a special program. Those children who need a special setting should be given one. I do believe that when done well, I repeat done well, full inclusion is best for all. But there are always some exceptions.) 

In my experience as a parent of two children with Down Syndrome, I have found that many parents of typically developing kids are unaware of the situation with inclusion in schools. When my friends have come to understand the fight parents of children with differences are fighting, they are quick to get behind the cause.  After a friend heard my rant about this, she suggested that I create a form letter that parents of typical kids can use to tell schools that they'd like their child to have the opportunity to get to know a child with differences - in their classroom. 

Here is a sample letter you can use to raise awareness: 

_____

To Whom it May Concern:

I am writing this letter because I would like to participate in any way to make an inclusive school a possibility!

My child attends _____________ school. I have noticed that there are very few, if any, students in my child’s class who have different abilities. 

I believe my child’s education and potential for success as an adult are being compromised when  differently abled children are placed in “special” classes, rather than being placed in my child’s class with the proper supports.

I know you care deeply for the well being and education of all the students at this school. I hope you will hear my concerns and we can think of ways to address these concerns so that students of all abilities have the opportunity to learn from each other and to learn together.

l hope to see my concern addressed this coming school year.

With Gratitude,

Name:

Address:

Phone number:

Email address:

Date:

____

If you would like to contact Heather directly, drop her a comment on her blog - The Lucky Few. 

The Avis Kids: Truly, August and Macyn

4 Phrases to Cut From Your Vocabulary

Classic Good Luck Charlie from reddit.com

(1) Good Boy/Good Girl 
We always separate behavior from person, which pushes "good" boy/girl straight out of our vocabulary. Apart from our company's decision not to say this phrase, we just generally think it is a confusing statement. This kind of phrase is built on your conditional, fleeting feelings about the child's current state.

Try replacing with: Thank you for (thing), I noticed you (did something - cause) and that meant we could (do something - effect), that was really helpful/responsible/kind

(2) Stop Crying 
Anyone who has ever told a child to stop crying knows that this is the least effective way to have your child actually regulate after something upsetting has happened. Whether they're crying for a "good reason," in the throes of a tantrum, crying about something you think is ridiculous, or otherwise - please don't say, "Stop Crying." Sometimes crying isn't voluntary, and we also don't want to be in the habit of saying that crying is a bad thing to do. There is a time and place for emotional expression, so in time we can focus on redirecting children towards something more appropriate.

Try replacing with: Suggesting the child take a couple of deep breaths, offering to go with your child to help wash their face, redirecting attention to something different, offering a hug or time alone.

(3) Be Nice 
"Nice" is a super arbitrary state of being. What does that even mean, and how does it change with the context? Very young children may have difficulty understanding what you want from them. Be specific, and let them know what kinds of behaviors are preferable. The funny thing about us adults is that we usually label behaviors when kids aren't doing them right - think about when you might say, "Be gentle." To be honest, it's probably when a child isn't being particularly gentle.

Try replacing with: labeling "nice" behaviors in real time for context (e.g. You're being so gentle/kind/generous right now when you share/take turns etc.), model what you expect from your kids, specifically saying, "I'd like you to share right now, because ... etc."

(4) Say Sorry 
Empty apologies do more harm than good, especially with children who frequently exhibit unsafe behaviors. Simply saying sorry is, in our opinion, not a heartfelt apology. Moving towards apologies of action will help your child to understand what reparation means, understand cause and effect thinking, as well as feeling better about their ability to be forgiven.

Try replacing with: fixing what has been broken, writing/drawing an apology, replacing something, helping someone who has been hurt by getting ice or a band aid. 

3 Unconventional Ways to Link Home and School

(1) Generalize - Don't Compartmentalize
One of the biggest mistakes you can make as a parent is separating home life and school learning. The best way to link the content that young children are receiving at school with your life at home is to incorporate emerging literacy and numeracy skills into your daily activities. Celebrate with early readers as they begin to decode street signs and menus. Play games where you count things - adding, subtracting, multiplying and dividing are all things we do every day. Count bananas per bunch, line up your trail mix in rows, or divide a pack of Skittles into piles according to their colors. Baking incorporates measurement with executive functions, with tasty rewards at the end.

(2) Be Involved 
The more you volunteer at your young child's school, the more you know about their curriculum content. Go on field trips, offer to talk to the class about something on which you are an expert, bake for the bake sale - be part of the school community. By modeling involvement, you are showing your child that being part of a wider group isn't just a school or kid thing. Being an active member of society is a lifelong skill that brings joy, complication, support and meaning to our lives. Involvement with groups can be frustrating at every age, but being part of a community is a core part of healthy living.

(3) Children as Teachers 
What can your child teach you? Chances are, they will learn things that you never learned at school. Even if you know everything there is to know, let your child be an expert for a moment. When you have the opportunity to explain a concept to another person, you deepen your understanding of the concept itself. Listen to what they have to say, and affirm them by saying things like, "I can see you really understand that," or, "I can tell that you have been paying attention in class." By validating your children's effort you solidify their identity as a learner.