4 Phrases to Cut From Your Vocabulary

Classic Good Luck Charlie from reddit.com

(1) Good Boy/Good Girl 
We always separate behavior from person, which pushes "good" boy/girl straight out of our vocabulary. Apart from our company's decision not to say this phrase, we just generally think it is a confusing statement. This kind of phrase is built on your conditional, fleeting feelings about the child's current state.

Try replacing with: Thank you for (thing), I noticed you (did something - cause) and that meant we could (do something - effect), that was really helpful/responsible/kind

(2) Stop Crying 
Anyone who has ever told a child to stop crying knows that this is the least effective way to have your child actually regulate after something upsetting has happened. Whether they're crying for a "good reason," in the throes of a tantrum, crying about something you think is ridiculous, or otherwise - please don't say, "Stop Crying." Sometimes crying isn't voluntary, and we also don't want to be in the habit of saying that crying is a bad thing to do. There is a time and place for emotional expression, so in time we can focus on redirecting children towards something more appropriate.

Try replacing with: Suggesting the child take a couple of deep breaths, offering to go with your child to help wash their face, redirecting attention to something different, offering a hug or time alone.

(3) Be Nice 
"Nice" is a super arbitrary state of being. What does that even mean, and how does it change with the context? Very young children may have difficulty understanding what you want from them. Be specific, and let them know what kinds of behaviors are preferable. The funny thing about us adults is that we usually label behaviors when kids aren't doing them right - think about when you might say, "Be gentle." To be honest, it's probably when a child isn't being particularly gentle.

Try replacing with: labeling "nice" behaviors in real time for context (e.g. You're being so gentle/kind/generous right now when you share/take turns etc.), model what you expect from your kids, specifically saying, "I'd like you to share right now, because ... etc."

(4) Say Sorry 
Empty apologies do more harm than good, especially with children who frequently exhibit unsafe behaviors. Simply saying sorry is, in our opinion, not a heartfelt apology. Moving towards apologies of action will help your child to understand what reparation means, understand cause and effect thinking, as well as feeling better about their ability to be forgiven.

Try replacing with: fixing what has been broken, writing/drawing an apology, replacing something, helping someone who has been hurt by getting ice or a band aid.