Tips for Parent-Teacher Communication

Communicating with your child's teacher is vital to creating a strong home-school connection. Knowing how to communicate appropriately with the teacher is a huge part of ensuring that the communication is productive.

We have some tips for effective communication with teachers:

(1) Remote communication first
Figure out which remote form of communication works for your child's teacher, which is usually email. It is rare, but some teachers are better with calls. Simply ask your child's teacher how they prefer to communicate and stick with that style.

(2) Make plans for face-to-face
On behalf of all teachers: please, please, please, please don't drop by unannounced for an impromptu meeting. Unless this has been established as something your school culture allows, it will become an awkward situation for both you and the teacher. Use remote communication to make a time for a face-to-face check in.

(3) Respect the time before school 
Before school is the absolute worst time to talk to a teacher. They are setting up for their day; finding various materials to use for lessons, replying to emails, catching up on staff memos and generally getting everything in order. It takes some preparation to be an excellent teacher, so give them that time to do their thing.

(4) Be aware of how much you're communicating 
Think about your child's class size, and it will probably be somewhere between 15-35 kids. That's potentially up to 70 parents. If your child is in middle school or above, these teachers are potentially teaching hundreds of kids. That's a lot of emails! Your child's teacher will aim to reply to all of them ASAP, but keep in mind that might be difficult. On the flip side, you should be able to communicate about important events, and questions you may have. Don't shy away from communication entirely, as that is also ineffective.

(5) Have realistic expectations 
Can the teacher ensure that your child eats their whole lunch? Maybe. Depending on your child's age, class size and specific dietary needs, this may or may not be realistic. Can the teacher make sure that your child isn't playing with a particular student? Maybe. Again, it depends on the reason. Can the teacher tally the amount of times your child calls out in a day? No. That's unrealistic. What you can expect is for the teacher to treat your child (and family) respectfully, be aware of their (and your family's) wellbeing and be heavily invested in their education.

(6) Be open to non-preferred information 
From time to time, teachers will need to tell you things that you don't necessarily want to hear. Instead of being in denial about the issues your child is facing, be brave and face up to whatever it is, so that your child can receive the support they need.

(7) Be open to new ideas
When trying out something new, behaviors often get worse before they get better. Give a new strategy some time.

(8) Use a kind tone 
You can advocate for your child's needs without being combative - even if you feel like you're not being heard. Be clear with your requests, by all means express what you need assertively - but make sure you're not being rude. If you are concerned that what you're saying in an email might be misunderstood, write it and hold off on sending it for an hour or so. Likewise, you could get someone else to read it and give their opinion on how your email might come across.

(9) Only ask for information about your child 
Be courteous to the confidentiality that teachers must keep, especially when it comes to other people's children. Don't ask the teacher to give you information that may put others in an awkward position.

(10) Be appreciative
You don't have to go overboard, but finding a way to appreciate your child's teacher every now and again goes a long way. Give your teachers a small gift for the holidays, and something at the end of the year. A fresh baked batch of cookies is an amazing gift, and (for the time-crunched parents) so is a Starbucks card! The best gift of all, is a simple thank you - for the day in, day out provision of care, commitment to your child's personal growth and for being a positive influence on their lives.

Apps for K-1 Kids

(1) Wet, Dry, Try
From Handwriting Without Tears, Wet, Dry, Try is a faux chalk board slate that allows students to write and trace letters. For those who are learning to write via the Handwriting Without Tears curriculum, this app is the perfect way to apply that learning practice on-the-go. Maximize your kindergartener's screen time by giving them something productive to do on the iPad.

(2) Starfall ABCs
Learning your ABCs has never been so fun. With positive reinforcement, kids can interact with letters and phonics education. Each letter is shown to kids in upper case and lower case, then given a word that starts with that letter. The word is then put in context with pictures and sentences that are related to the words.

(3) Raz-Kids 
This app gives kids access to eBooks and quizzes for over 400 leveled readers. The app will read the story to kids, lighting up each word as it's read - then kids have an opportunity to read the book for themselves. Afterwards, quizzes are taken to check up on reading comprehension. Kids are motivated to read more when they are awarded points for quizzes taken.

(4) Todo Math
A super cute app for K-2 students, focusing on addition, subtraction and number tracking. Because it is home to 19 multi-level games, children are motivated to motivated to zoom through the curriculum-based activities.

(5) News-O-Matic 
While some people view this app as one big, long advertisement - there are definitely positive and engaging elements to News-O-Matic. Getting kids interested in current events has never been easy, but with this app, we have seen the most unsuspecting kids become interested in the world around them.

Work/Break Balance

All children - not just those with special needs - are required to strike a balance between work time and break time. Are our expectations appropriate for their developmental level? As parents, we can fall into two categories;
*Expecting over-achievement
*Allowing under-achievement
The difficult thing is, we can fall into both categories at once.
(We never said parenting was easy!)

IMPORTANCE OF HARD WORK
You are instilling work ethic into your children when you push them to work hard and be successful. Having a realistic idea of where your child is 'at' developmentally will help you channel their productivity into their school work. If you're pushing them past what they're able to do, they may learn to resent hard work because they associate it with constant failure. If you let them quit when they're not having fun anymore, they might learn to achieve below their potential.

BEING IN TUNE WITH YOUR CHILD
You can get to know your child's level by talking to their teachers. You'll have a better idea of how to stretch your child academically, once you are up  to speed with their current educational level. If your child is falling behind with their school work, ask the teachers how you can best support their learning. If your child is excelling academically, work ethic is equally important. Ask the teachers how you can support academic extension.

REST AND DOWNTIME
All work and no play isn't healthy. If you take a look at your child's weekly schedule and all weekday afternoons are full of structured activity, you might want to reconsider. We recommend at least one afternoon per week that can be used flexibly; maybe you can go on a small hike, go to the playground, do some baking together or have a popcorn movie party. This kind of downtime allows you to decide what your family needs, instead of being bound to lessons and planned activities.

ACHIEVING THE BALANCE
There is no magic formula for balance. In some seasons of life, your family might be better off with more activity and other times you'll need less. Be flexible with the ebbs and flows of family life and pay attention to the impact that your schedule has on your day-to-day. 

5 Tips for Stress-Free Play Dates for Kids with Social Challenges

(1) Structure
Some of the most successful play dates involve one very specific task. You might go bowling, do some painting, jump at a bounce house, bake cookies or watch a movie - but keep it to just one thing. Avoid unstructured, open-ended play dates at other children's houses, as these can be overwhelming for kids with social differences. Also, if your child has a meltdown in a public space (or at your house) you will feel more calm, rather than walking on eggshells in another family's home.

(2) Facilitation
For young children in particular, it is so important to facilitate play dates. This means that you set the kids up for success, by helping them to have kind, calm and mutual conversation. For older children on the Autism Spectrum, this could involve gently steering your child away from dominating conversation talking about their special interest, and helping them to engage with the other person. Facilitating a play date is not about micromanaging social interactions, but more about providing support for a developing skill.

(3) Time Limit
For children with behavioral challenges (like meltdowns, hitting, biting etc.) we recommend 45 minutes as a baseline. Even if your child is doing well at the 45 minute mark, avoid staying longer because your goal is to leave while things are successful. Those extra 5-10 minutes could make or break the experience, not just for your family, but for the ongoing relationship with the other child and their family. After a few successful 45 minute play dates, you can extend. Quality time over quantity time.

(4) Sensory Sensitivity
What are your child's triggers? If loud places with too many people send your child into overstimulation, avoid these like the plague. If you think it's likely that a certain environment will cause your child to meltdown, it is absolutely not worth the risk - especially with a new friendship. Where birthday parties (or other events where you aren't in control of the environment) occur, come prepared with noise canceling headphones, sunglasses, fidgets, sensory brushes, crunchy food and other items that will help recalibrate the sensory system.

(5) Take Breaks 
Don't be embarrassed to take your child for a quick break away from the action of a play date. If five minutes of deep pressure squeezing, deep breathing, crab walks, running laps or sensory brushing calms your child - go for it! Studies show that people are more receptive at the start of any activity, so taking breaks means that there are more opportunities to "start." You can be as private as you like about this, depending on your relationship with the other family.

5 Ways to Repair

After a meltdown, your child will probably be feeling pretty bad about themselves. You may not see it externally, but it's likely that they will regret the actions that have taken place. Maybe they have broken something, hurt someone else or said hurtful words - post-meltdown, they're able to see what they have done. And it doesn't feel good. 

A 'repair' is an action that takes place after the meltdown has passed. The importance of a repair is great, as you are looking at the child as a whole person and helping to heal the shame and embarrassment that comes after moments of losing control. 

How do you facilitate a repair? 

(1) Wait until the meltdown is over

There is no use facilitating a repair when the child is still in the 'red zone.' If he's unable to hold a calm conversation, if she's still crying, if they're still yelling - the child isn't ready. You might want to fix things straight away, but it isn't beneficial until the situation has cooled down. Actually, revisiting the situation while it's too fresh will cause it to reopen, instead of your intention to have it closed. 

(2) Avoid telling your child to say 'sorry'

Parents and teachers will often instruct a child to say, 'sorry' to someone after they have been hurt. More often than not, the child will say a silly, sarcastic or meaningless 'sorry' that doesn't heal the situation. The child then treats 'sorry' as a magic word instead of a genuine apology. Likewise, asking a child to hug someone they've hurt can act as an easy 'out' for hurting others and moving on quickly. We want to encourage real, meaningful apologies. Not a quick hug, not a sarcastic sorryyyyyy with a smile on their face - a genuine response that promotes empathy development. 

(3) Apology of action 

What do you need? What can I get you? What can I do for you? 

Once we had a child break a special magic wand of a friend at preschool. He was jealous of the wand, and angry at his peer - so he snapped it in half. After the meltdown ended, we encouraged him to get tape and fix the wand. While it didn't look brand new, the wand was whole again - and both children could move on without shame or resentment. The child eagerly fixed the wand, and therein lies the importance of apologies of action! All through our lives we will need the opportunity to fix what we have broken. Give children the opportunity to make it right. 

(4) Letters or cards

If a face-to-face apology is too much for your child (or if the apology doesn't require a physical action), have your child make a letter or card. For example, if your child runs away from their nanny and scares the living daylight out of her, there is no physical apology of action that can take place after the fact. The child may have a very hard time apologizing face-to-face and may respond more genuinely to making her a card. Because cards and letters take longer to make than words take to say, they may be a more effective method of apology for your child. 

(5) Forgive and move on 

What does forgiveness mean? How you define forgiveness defines your ability to forgive. If you think that forgiveness means diminishing the pain that was caused through a hurtful action, you may decide that forgiveness isn't for you. If you believe that forgiveness is acknowledging the offensive action, then moving past it - you'll be more likely to move on. We believe forgiveness is a process, rather than an immediate action. You may need time to truly forgive, but in the end, forgiveness benefits both parties. It is vital that you forgive your child for things that they have done, so that you both can move forward with a healthy family relationship. 

Dealing With Refusals

What do you do when your child says NO?
When he digs in his heels and refuses to move - how can you make him comply?
When she throws her homework on the ground and stands on it - how do you get through?
When your child has outgrown the toddler stage (but still seems to react at that developmental level) how can you, as a parent, employ best practices to let your child know that refusals don't work?

(1) Choose your battles
In the grand scheme of things, how important is this? If it's very important, if it relates to a vital social or life skill, follow through! If you need to get something done quickly, and this is unrelated to a big picture skill, maybe you can let this one go. Breathe... and focus on the main things.

(2) Be consistent
While this sounds like a direct contradiction to the idea of choosing your battles, it isn't. Consistency is about having the exact same expectation every time. Once you choose what is important - run with it! If your child is allowed to opt out of some things on some days, then one day you expect that they'll participate every time, you've sent mixed messages and you're likely to end up with refusal. What do you expect your child to do? Bare minimum could be (part of) homework, some form of helping around the house and participation in family activities. Education, contributing to the family and being part of the group are all vital for healthy development. 

(3) State your expectations
Brevity is key! Use as few words as possible, stating (a) What you expect, (b) When you expect it to happen, and (c) The consequence for it not happening within that period of time.

Imagine your child is asked to put his shoes on to go to school, but he is watching TV instead. You've asked him, you know he knows what to do - he's just not doing it. You could get angry and yell, "You never put your shoes on when I ask! How many times do I have to tell you?" Or, you could casually walk over to the television and turn it off. Look at your child and say, "I expect you to put on your shoes in the next 3 minutes, and if you don't, there will be no TV when you get home from school." Set a timer, and walk away. Also, feel free to add the caveat that if he turns to TV back on once you walk away, there will be no TV for a week :)

Whatever you do, be brief.

(4) Keep emotions out of it
Take a breath, have a consequence already planned out and keep that consequence realistic. Confidently and calmly, tell your child your expectations without raising your voice or having an angry tone. Believe it or not, you can get a lot of results from using a calm, assertive tone. Being self-assured and confident shows that you're in charge - yelling and getting flustered shows your child that she's controlling the situation.

How do we stay calm? Breathe deeply, take a break and model the same self regulation exercises that you expect your child to use. Monitor your stress levels in general - are your mind and body connected? Take a moment to recalibrate your system.

(5) Natural and related consequences
When you're giving your child a consequence, ensure that it has something to do with the situation. For example, if the child hits somebody at the park, a related consequence would be leaving the park and maybe not coming back tomorrow. An unrelated consequence would be losing iPad time. If your child refuses to eat their dinner, a related consequence would be losing dessert and firmly stating that they're not going to get a different meal later on. An unrelated consequence would be taking away their bedtime story. On that note, try to keep bedtime stories/relationship based activities separate to consequences. By playing for 10 minutes a day (no matter what) or reading before bed, you are showing that your devotion to your child is unconditional to their behavior.

5 Reasons We Love Playdoh

(1) Promotes Creative Imaginative Play
It's a blob - no, it's a ball! Actually, I am making a dog - no - a snake! This part here is flat, it's a pancake - no, a pizza! Now I am putting pepperoni on it. I'm going to make a table for the pizza, now it's a restaurant - are you going to come to my restaurant?

Right?! The possibilities are endless with Playdoh. Kids can spend hours developing new ideas, stretching their capacity for flexible thinking and dramatic play.

(2) Promotes Fine Motor Development 
Grab a ball of Playdoh and hide some beads or marbles inside. Have your young child take these small pieces out of the Playdoh - make sure they get all of them! This action works on the Pincher grip and strengthens the hands. Roll some tiny balls of 'doh and have your child collect them all up in one big ball. Then make a little 'pinch pot' out of a medium size chunk of Playdoh - maybe it's a bird's nest with eggs in it?

Seriously, Google Fine Motor activities related to Playdoh. You'll be amazed.

(3) Literacy Possibilities 
Make a snake, and spell your name! Spell everything. Make every letter that ever was - make the whole alphabet in Playdoh! Bring early learning to life with manipulatives like neon Playdoh, and watch that child who hates writing suddenly start enjoying literacy.

(4) It's Relaxing 
Squeeze some bright, squishy Playdoh in your hand and feel the stress leave your body. You can make everything or nothing out of Playdoh, so just sit there doing nothing in particular with it for a while. Like the benefits of Theraputty, or Crazy Aaron's Putty, Playdoh provides a therapeutic sensation to the person holding onto it.

(5)  It's Timeless
Are your kids addicted to the iPad? Get back to basics and provide them some good low-fi fun. Playdoh can go in your backpack wherever you go. Stick a jar of 'doh in your purse and have it ready for boring situations like waiting at an airport, or waiting for a meal at a family-style restaurant. You don't need to give them a screen every time they're bored! Encourage other kinds of developmentally appropriate play, and watch the joy that your children can have from the simple things in life.