Many parents of children with Autism feel isolated and misunderstood. In fact, that is the definition of Autism - an isolated self - coming from the Greek word "autos". Autism Spectrum Disorders have a way of not only restricting the social interactions of the child affected, but the entire family as it grows and changes together. One of the best ways to dig your way out of isolation is to teach your family and friends about Autism, advocate for more awareness and find out as much as you can about how to set your child up for success.
Many people will have trouble understanding Autism, and may make you feel as though you and your child have a discipline problem. While providing boundaries is very important to children of all abilities, it is important that you advocate for your child (and yourself) when it comes to educating others about why "old-fashioned" discipline strategies are lost on a child with Autism. There will certainly be awkward moments where you stand up to your parents, parents-in-law, extended family and friends. Prepare to be misunderstood, but advocate anyway.
Here are a few tips, to help you on your quest.
(1) Find a good time.
Prevention is better than cure, so where possible, plan to talk to family members before a situation blows out of proportion. If you have a feeling that someone you know is having trouble with your parenting style (or excluding your child because of his social behavior), make a time to sit down and talk it out. Find out what the other person is having trouble understanding, and do your best to explain why the situation is what it is. For many reasons, some parents don't want other parents to know their child is on the Autism Spectrum - though we have found that there are times where being honest about your child's differences can help others be more compassionate.
(2) Don't be preachy.
When you're teaching people about Autism, try not to be too overbearing. You may know a lot about the spectrum, but make sure you explain yourself using terms that are easily understood. You do not need to justify your parenting style, just as parents of typically developing kids don't need to justify theirs. The purpose of teaching other people about Autism, is less about the disorder itself, and more about communicating your child's inner workings so that she can be understood.
(3) Communicate your child's biggest strengths.
With a diagnosis of Autism, comes the stigma of "disability". In fact, people with Autism have some major abilities. Many people with Autism will have an interest in a specific topic, and be able to do things that people without Autism could never achieve. Every child is passionate about something, and it is likely that your child will be fixated on a certain subject. He may also excel in math, music, art or science - and your wider family community can certainly help to build up great areas of strength in his life.
(4) Communicate your child's greatest challenges.
Your child will benefit from your specificity with family and close friends, when it comes to the struggles she faces on a daily basis. She may need others to give her more grace when it comes to time management, personal organization, understanding instructions, thinking too literally, being flexible about changes in plans and acting appropriately in group situations.
(5) Give some direct, practical tips.
Teach people who take care of your child to slow down, be very clear with directions and use less words. Encourage them to ask for eye contact from your child, and to be patient when it comes to information processing. Teach them to count to ten in their head before they ask a question again, giving space for the child to respond. Help your family understand that the meltdowns are part of having Autism, and to respond to the child's needs, while not engaging in conversation until the child is calm.
(6) Read up!
If you know of a good book that really helped you understand Autism, recommend it! If you stumble across a website or blog with a great article, email it out to your network. Throw yourself headlong into education about Autism, and you will naturally become a passionate advocate for your child.
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