Bedtime Battles

How can you make bedtime less of a battle? Despite the sleep problems which may make it hard for your child to fall and stay asleep, you can do your part to make bedtime a breeze.

(1) Routine
When we are consulting with parents whose children are up until "all hours", they are often surprised that their kids can be in bed a whole lot earlier than they expect. Children on the Autism Spectrum will thrive on routine, and it is our belief that most kids are more successful when they have an expectation of what is coming next. Because we don't fall asleep the minute our heads touch the pillow, the pre-bedtime routine is important for calming bodies and preparing for sleep.

An example routine for a child under 8 may be:

6pm - Dinner
6:20pm - Bath/Shower
6:30pm - Brush teeth, bathroom, PJs
6:35pm - Bedtime stories with a parent (in bed)
6:55pm - "Goodnight"
7pm - Lights Out

(2) Environment
If your child has a hard time sleeping, do your best to make the bedroom a place for sleep only. Put all toys in another room, and use lamplight only from the time the child has his PJs on. Light-blocking curtains are highly recommended for kids struggling with sleep. Essential oils can help to fragrance the room with calming scents, but may not always be welcomed by sensory sensitive kids. When the lights go out, a white-noise machine, fan or calming music can help to send your child to sleep.

(3) Expectations
While having compassion for your child's genuine sleep problems, do you have a realistic expectation for bedtime? Is it OK for your child to come out of his/her room after lights out? Is crawling into your bed at 3am a viable option? Is asking for a sandwich 10 minutes after lights-out something you'd be OK with? We're not asking you to be inflexible, but we're asking you to think of what usually happens at bedtime and set some expectations for your kids.

(4) Toolkit
Now that you have expectations, let's equip your children with a "toolkit" that they can use when sleep does not come easily. Yoga is a great way to prepare your body for sleep - get your body into poses where your head is below your heart for a boost of relaxation. Teaching your child deep breathing methods will also help send them to sleep. Don't assume that your child knows what "deep breathing" means, because this is a skill that h as to be taught. Playing guided meditation can also be very effective in keeping your kids' heads on their pillows.

(5) Plan
Sit down with your child and make a plan regarding what happens if they don't fall asleep quickly - or wake up in the night. First, do you have a set amount of time where they must actively lay in bed before coming out to you? A digital clock may give you some support, if your child is old enough to recognize the numbers. You could ask that he/she lay in bed until at least 30min-1hr after the time that the lights have been turned out. You could explicitly teach your child items from the "toolkit" or talk about how you fall asleep.

We hope that making  a plan for bedtime will help you and your family tackle these frustrations head-on. Sweet dreams!