Exiting the Comfort Zone

It has been said that a ship in a harbor is safe, but that is not why ships were built. We can spend our whole lives playing it safe, but at the end of our lives we will be racked with regret for all of the things we didn't do, experiences we never had and moments that we lost due to anxiety. We can help our children to live life to the fullest by reducing how much time they spend in their comfort zone.

There is a good chance that for many people with social differences, leaving the house is leaving their comfort zone. Take a moment to realize how debilitating it can be for a person to be socially anxious, and filled with fear about what might happen. While coming at this idea with compassion, as parents, we have the opportunity to help our kids step out of the boat and into the water.

Play it cool
When you notice that your child is about to step out of their comfort zone, play it cool. Making a big deal about it may be your knee-jerk reaction, but the added attention is likely to create anxiety. Also, once your child has stepped out and achieved something new, making a huge deal about it may cause them to retreat back into their comfort zone. The pressure to always be brave is too much to handle and may result in some self sabotage. Congratulate, notice their behavior (e.g. "Wow, I notice you tried (something different). That must've been hard for you! Congratulations!") and move on promptly. There are more victories ahead, don't over-dwell on one.

Provide new experiences daily
Make it a goal to have your child try something new every day. It might be a new food, a new shirt, a new texture, a new park, a new cafe - anything - just make it part of your normal life. At the end of the day, you can talk about the new things they experienced during the day. Recap and reflect.

Model the behavior
If you eat the same food every day, go to the same cafe every day, wear the same thing every day... think about it! The apple isn't falling too far from the tree. Make a conscious effort to change things up, and be an example. Share your own victories with your children!

Involve professionals
If you have a feeling that your child's aversions to people, places, food (or new experiences in general) are atypical, involve a professional. Pushing your child to do something they don't want to do might be traumatic, especially if you go about it in a forceful way. Be gentle, and don't be afraid to get professionals involved. Early intervention is key to giving your child the best life possible.