The Right School for You

In the field of special needs, we are constantly faced with families having trouble finding the right school for their children. In many ways, the "perfect" school does not exist, because schools are communities of people and we all know that humans are not perfect. We have found, over time, that some schools are a better match than others.

We have compiled a list of a few things to take into consideration when finding a school for your child, or deciding to change schools.

(1) The School's Philosophy
While doing your research, check out the school's philosophy and mission statement. Obviously these appear simply as words on a page/website, so when you visit the school you will have an idea of what to expect. Develop some questions surrounding the practical outworking of the mission statement, and if you see no evidence of the school practicing what they preach then it would be a good sign that the school might not be as reliable as you'd hoped.

(2) Classroom Climate
It is very difficult to see what a classroom environment is like ahead of time, but it is easy to see if a current classroom is a healthy place (or not) for your child. Volunteer to help with student work, and you will soon see how the teachers conduct their lessons and classroom management. When you are present, it is highly likely you will not see a completely accurate picture of your child's behavior as it will be different with you there. You should, however, be able to pick up on nuances of the classroom climate and culture. Keep an eye out for the quality of interaction between the children and the teachers - but please remember that teachers are professionals, and you are on their "turf". If you have an issue with something that you see, make an appropriate time to talk about it per appointment. Also, if you notice positive things about the classroom, why not send your child's teacher an encouraging email? Kindness from parents goes a long way.

(3) Environmental Setup
Does the classroom have natural light? Is the classroom well ventilated? Is there a place for your child to calm down and take a break? How are the acoustics of the room? Are there any consistent outside noises that will distract your child from learning? These are all factors that may hinder your child's education. Some classrooms are underneath the gym, and shake loudly when games like basketball are played. Some rooms have only artificial sources of light, and this can cause a sense of "cabin fever". Think about your child's greatest challenges, and be specific. Remember that there are some things that your child will have to learn to overcome, and that the school shouldn't need to alter everything to accommodate your son or daughter - but - on the other hand, feel free to ask respectfully.

(4) Open Spaces (parking lot etc.)
Certain inner city schools have large parking lots, elevators and various other hoops to jump through before a child enters the classroom. For many kids, this is no big deal. For children with sensory sensitivities (and other special needs) this can be extremely overwhelming and cause early morning behavioral problems due to overstimulation. Since the beginning of the school day is crucial, you may want to consider a smaller school for children with differences.

(5) Services and Modifications
Some schools will offer services such as Occupational Therapy, Speech Therapy or Social Skills Groups. We recommend that you find out what kind of support systems are available when looking for a school, and also ask about what kinds of modifications they will allow for your child's special needs. It is very important for some children to be allowed to take breaks when they are melting down, overstimulated, tired, hyperactive or bored. Think about ways in which your child could have low maintenance modifications, and pitch them as ideas to the teachers. When talking to teachers, try to think of ways your child can be responsible for his/her own self regulation - as often times there will not be a spare teacher to help your child take a break.

It goes without saying that you are your child's best advocate when it comes to their education. When making a first impression on potential teachers, do your best to understand that your child is not the only (or the most important) student in the class. Try not to be overbearing, because teachers often have trouble building relationships with students whose parents become high maintenance. Our best advice is to listen to your parental intuition, speak up when you need to and work with the teacher to challenge your child to reach new heights.

Babysitters, Respite & Summer Vacation

All parents need some time out from wearing their MOM or DAD hat. A huge part of successful parenting comes from being able to take the occasional break from your children. One of the problems with being a parent of a special needs kid is that it can be difficult to find someone to look after them. We have seen some families go from babysitter to babysitter on a weekly basis, on a quest to find someone who can handle their children. We have seen kids act out simply because they know that their challenging behaviors cause a change in babysitter. If your child gets what they want by melting down, then their meltdowns have proven to be an effective method of communication (in their opinion) and they will continue to be, until something changes.

So, what are the big problems with the babysitter search?

The perfect babysitter doesn't exist
Sometimes parents have this idea that Mary Poppins or Maria Von Trapp truly exist and are waiting by their computers responding to advertisements on Craigslist. If you're in the market for someone to wave their magic wand over your kids and change them from wild animals to well-behaved upright citizens without you having to do so much as lift a finger... then... you are going to be waiting a while. You are the parent. It is your job to parent your kids - your babysitter's job is to keep them safely entertained while you take a break or go to work. There is no shame in needing help with the "wild-to-upright" transformation. There are services available, and we are certainly one of them. But the big disclaimer here is: It takes effort.

A cheap babysitter is not necessarily a good idea
If you buy a pair of shoes for $10 and they wear out in a month, you can hardly be upset. You got what you paid for. If you pay your babysitter peanuts, and she loses your kids or they start saying the 'F' word the next day - then you might want to (a) Never use her services again & (b) Value your kids enough to pay your babysitters well. I am not saying that you need to be rich to afford a babysitter - I am implying that if you don't pay your babysitter enough, s/he may not place much value on her time with your kids and therefore not do her best. If you are struggling financially, maybe try adding some perks to the babysitting gig - dinner, Netflix and wifi are all good reasons for a babysitter to return.

It is possible to over communicate
Some people with special needs kids feel the need to over-explain their children's quirks to the babysitter. This probably will freak the babysitter out. He or she will probably not sleep before arriving at your house - if they do at all. If you overcommunicate, the babysitter may request to be paid an exorbitant amount of money. We recommend that you explain enough to your babysitter so that they know what to expect, but don't give them a rundown of the child's entire emotional rollercoaster of the past week - especially the part where they ran away at the coffee shop, attacked the wall with a cheese grater, cussed at the supermarket cashier or gave bruises to their last babysitter.

It is possible to under communicate
More than likely, parents with special needs will undercommunicate to babysitters. If you do not warn your babysitter about the child's sensory sensitivities, s/he might decide that going to the movies is fun or that vacuuming while they watch TV is a harmless sport. If you don't warn your babysitter that your son hates cheese so much that if he even sees it he will freak out, she might decide to take them for a trip to the pizza parlor. If you don't warn your babysitter that transitions are really difficult for your daughter, s/he might have no idea why suddenly turning the TV off and saying, "Bedtime!" is an unforgivable, meltdown-tastic mess. Armed with a few incentives and some tricks up her sleeve, your babysitter will be much more able to bare the tantrums and maybe even curb some of them.

Realistic expectations
If you have trouble getting your child down for a nap, probably don't insist that your babysitter be able to do it. By all means, it is worth a try, but the pressure of making it work may be too much for the babysitter and child. The worst babysitting moment I ever had was when a child's parent said that the nap was a necessity, then the child released his inner beast (hands, fists, fingernails and teeth were employed in the refusal of this nap) at the very mention of the N word (N-A-P). Where possible, make it easy for your babysitter to return. If your goal is to go out of the occasional date night, then it really doesn't matter if your child goes to bed without brushing his teeth. As long as it doesn't set a ridiculous precedent of substandard dental hygiene, you should do what you can to keep the babysitter happy and keep the kids happy with her.

Respite Services
At Kahlon Family Services, we also offer respite for families with special needs children. Being trained in behaviors and developmental differences, our specialists can consult with you about your child before care begins. A big advantage of having a Behavior Specialist providing respite (compared to using a mainstream babysitter) is that the specialist understands that your child will be unique and possibly challenging, yet coming at the situation with a toolbox of techniques to not only provide quality care to your child, but also have a good time. 

If you would like to talk to somebody at Kahlon Family Services about respite, please contact us at info@kahlonfamilyservices.com or visit our website at www.kahlonfamilyservices.com 

Interview with Autism Today TV - YEAS

Recently the founder of Kahlon Family Services, Vanessa Kahlon, was interviewed on AutismTV about her unique program, YEAS (Yoga Education for Autism Spectrum). Vanessa's passion shines brightly for both yoga and helping individuals with special needs, as anyone who has ever met her would soon notice. Passionate people will always make an impact on the world around them, and that is why Vanessa's program is so inspiring.  

The interview can be seen by clicking here - we highly recommend watching it! (YouTube wasn't letting us post the video for some reason, sorry. We tried!)

During the interview, Vanessa spoke about the positive effects of yoga for those with Autism Spectrum Disorders. Here's a recap of a few reasons why the YEAS program really works; 

(1) Body Awareness
Yoga teaches children about the parts of their body, what they can do and where they are in space. This all seems very obvious to a typically developing child, but these foundational skills are delayed in those with Autism. Spatial awareness can greatly effect behavior at home and school, particularly with children who tend to hit or crash into other people. Children learn to "feel" where their bodies are, by making contact with the yoga mat, stretching and strengthening. 

(2) Coping Skills
At Kahlon Family Services, we make sure that children know that they are in control of their bodies. It is very empowering for a child who has very little control over their environment to remember that their body is something they have mastery over. Even if it is extremely difficult, (or seems impossible) for some children to control their body, we celebrate each small step in the journey towards self-regulation. Yoga teaches children to persist in situations that are uncomfortable, new and may go for a longer time than the child expects. Certain poses will be challenging (but never meant to hurt) and they will learn that over time, bodies become stronger. The YEAS program doesn't focus on perfection, but instead, keys in on best efforts. 

(3) Self Esteem
Each YEAS session is designed to leave the child feeling more empowered than we he/she arrived. Many children who have "disabilities" or differences can become quickly discouraged with activities that involve complex motor coordination. In situations where typically developing children are learning activities like yoga, teachers are not often able to handle students with processing delays, which leaves children with Autism feeling alienated by multistep instructions. The chain reaction is that the child with Autism may act out because the demands placed upon him are beyond his ability, or stop trying because he has already perceived failure. YEAS addresses these problems in a very concrete way with the items in the backpack (pictured above). 

(4) Sequencing
As mentioned, children on the Autism Spectrum are likely to struggle with sequencing instructions, and processing auditory directions. The YEAS program uses special FIRST/THEN instruction boards, visual schedules and choice boards. We set children up for success by giving extra cues, so that their minds can be focused on the content of the lesson. 

(5) Routine
Many people on the Autism Spectrum find comfort in routine. The great part about YEAS classes is that there is a level of predictability about each session. Class starts with Sun Salutations and ends in Savasana, giving children a sense of time, community and routine. During class, the children are both the students and the teachers - Vanessa is big on having the children teach one another, which reinforces their learning and builds self esteem. 

(6) Relaxation
As mentioned by Lois Brady in the interview, children with Autism Spectrum Disorders may have trouble learning how to "relax" because they are not 100% sure what "relax" means. Children are given a reference point for relaxation in a YEAS class, when they are directly taught how to breathe deeply and meditate. 

(7) Transferable Skills
Yoga can be done on and off the mat. This means that no matter where you are, yoga can be used to stretch and calm the body. Children can use yoga poses to help focus them at school (e.g. Planking builds core strength, which makes it easier to sit still and focus in class, and children who have stims that involve hand-play can benefit from the input provided by Downward Dog). Deep breathing that is used in yoga can be transferred to moments where a child with Autism needs to calm down after a meltdown or a moment of frustration. 


If you would like to know more about the YEAS program, or if you would be interested in attending or hosting a YEAS training session, please visit www.kahlonfamilyservices.com. Likewise, you can email info@kahlonfamilyservices.com or comment on this post. 

Namaste!

Teaching Your Family About Autism

Many parents of children with Autism feel isolated and misunderstood. In fact, that is the definition of Autism - an isolated self - coming from the Greek word "autos". Autism Spectrum Disorders have a way of not only restricting the social interactions of the child affected, but the entire family as it grows and changes together. One of the best ways to dig your way out of isolation is to teach your family and friends about Autism, advocate for more awareness and find out as much as you can about how to set your child up for success.

Many people will have trouble understanding Autism, and may make you feel as though you and your child have a discipline problem. While providing boundaries is very important to children of all abilities, it is important that you advocate for your child (and yourself) when it comes to educating others about why "old-fashioned" discipline strategies are lost on a child with Autism. There will certainly be awkward moments where you stand up to your parents, parents-in-law, extended family and friends. Prepare to be misunderstood, but advocate anyway.

Here are a few tips, to help you on your quest.

(1) Find a good time. 
Prevention is better than cure, so where possible, plan to talk to family members before a situation blows out of proportion. If you have a feeling that someone you know is having trouble with your parenting style (or excluding your child because of his social behavior), make a time to sit down and talk it out. Find out what the other person is having trouble understanding, and do your best to explain why the situation is what it is. For many reasons, some parents don't want other parents to know their child is on the Autism Spectrum - though we have found that there are times where being honest about your child's differences can help others be more compassionate.

(2) Don't be preachy. 
When you're teaching people about Autism, try not to be too overbearing. You may know a lot about the spectrum, but make sure you explain yourself using terms that are easily understood. You do not need to justify your parenting style, just as parents of typically developing kids don't need to justify theirs. The purpose of teaching other people about Autism, is less about the disorder itself, and more about communicating your child's inner workings so that she can be understood.

(3) Communicate your child's biggest strengths. 
With a diagnosis of Autism, comes the stigma of "disability". In fact, people with Autism have some major abilities. Many people with Autism will have an interest in a specific topic, and be able to do things that people without Autism could never achieve. Every child is passionate about something, and it is likely that your child will be fixated on a certain subject. He may also excel in math, music, art or science - and your wider family community can certainly help to build up great areas of strength in his life.

(4) Communicate your child's greatest challenges. 
Your child will benefit from your specificity with family and close friends, when it comes to the struggles she faces on a daily basis. She may need others to give her more grace when it comes to time management, personal organization, understanding instructions, thinking too literally, being flexible about changes in plans and acting appropriately in group situations.

(5) Give some direct, practical tips. 
Teach people who take care of your child to slow down, be very clear with directions and use less words. Encourage them to ask for eye contact from your child, and to be patient when it comes to information processing. Teach them to count to ten in their head before they ask a question again, giving space for the child to respond. Help your family understand that the meltdowns are part of having Autism, and to respond to the child's needs, while not engaging in conversation until the child is calm.

(6) Read up!
If you know of a good book that really helped you understand Autism, recommend it! If you stumble across a website or blog with a great article, email it out to your network. Throw yourself headlong into education about Autism, and you will naturally become a passionate advocate for your child.

Literally.

As adults, we don't really have any idea how much weight is carried by our words.

Something that makes sense to us can be heard very differently by a child - especially a child with special needs. Part of having an Autism Spectrum Disorder is taking things very, very, literally; so it is absolutely imperative that we develop an awareness of how our words are heard by children who process things differently.

(1) Your child isn't overreacting on purpose. 
Even for the most seasoned parents, it's worth regularly reminding yourself that there's a good chance that your child's literal interpretation of information isn't just their way of being silly or funny. It might feel like he is trying to annoy you with disproportionate overreactions - as loud and as irrational as it may seem at the time, a child on the Autism Spectrum really needs you to be patient. You may have times where you can not possibly understand why she can't 'get' certain things, or why explaining some concepts feels like chasing your tail. It's also worth noting that you're human, and at times you will say or do things that you may later regret. If you lose your cool; take a breath, apologize and move on.

(2) Explain metaphoric and abstract language. 
Don't stop using abstract language, just because your child doesn't seem to understand it. By removing metaphors from your communication, you lose out on vital teachable moments. Speak figuratively, and take time to explain what the figure of speech means. Try to use the phrase again, and see if your child can begin to contextualize metaphoric language. Also, your child may have difficulty understanding why we use the same word in two very different ways. Recently, one of our 10 year old clients made a card for his Behavior Specialist. When she said, "Aww! That's so sweet!" he replied, "No, sugar is sweet. This is a card."

(3) Be careful with scare tactics and overshare. 
Certain generations and cultures approach child rearing with a pocketful of scare tactics, in order to keep children safe and well-behaved. Just because these methods have worked through the ages, it doesn't mean they're a great idea to try on kids with Autism. To say that standing unsafely on a chair will cause your son to fall and break his neck (thus rendering him quadriplegic) may work with some children and it also may give other kids severe anxiety about chair safety. Likewise - be careful about how much information you give certain children about germs, natural disasters, death and other topics that may develop into anxiety. If your child seems unnaturally scared about something, try and figure out where the information came from as soon as possible.

(4) Take questions again, and again, and again. 
When you have explained information, instructions or a new concept to your child, ask her if she has any questions. Children who take information literally are often the same children who process information slowly. Once you are done with a conversation, be prepared to talk about it again at a later time. Sometimes it will appear that your child hasn't listened to a word you have said, then three days later she might ask you a very specific question about something you can hardly remember saying.

(5) Communicate this information to your child's support system. 
If it takes a village to raise a child, then it takes; a village, an occupational therapist, a behavior specialist, a nutritionist, a speech therapist, two teachers, a shadow, a physical therapist, a general practitioner and every topic Web MD to raise a child with special needs. Your child has a "team" of people who help him learn, and develop skills through early intervention. When everybody is on the same page with communication, your child is able to learn as much as possible as naturally as possible. It can be difficult to bring awareness to more "modern" special needs when it comes to older generations of relatives, but with respect, do your best to advocate for what is best for your child.

Everybody will say things that these kids will misunderstand - you yourself will probably make a thousand communication mistakes before your son or daughter reaches their tenth birthday. Nobody is perfect, and there are no "right" answers when it comes to parenting. Special needs parenting rests heavily on the ever-arbitrary balance between what a child can do, and what they are limited by. Don't be afraid to fail, instead, be a parent who tries their very best.

Creating a Peaceful Home Life

I was enjoying a mani-pedi on Mother's Day when I became distracted from the spa-treatment-bliss. The lady beside me (being treated like a Queen: eating an ice cream, feet being massaged and her kids waving to her through the salon window) was talking to her best friend beside her about the stresses of family life. It was as if every family I have ever met was talking through this Mom - the complaints seem to be universal: children take a long time to get ready in the morning, they don't tidy up after themselves, siblings fight and bedtime is a nightmare.

At Kahlon Family Services, we can help you create a peaceful home. We won't wave a magic wand over your family frustrations, but our consultants can come to your house with a fresh set of eyes, and help you make change. Our approach is completely relational, with our work in homes centered around bringing families closer together.

Here are just a few ways we can help:

(1) Creating Routines and Schedules
Much of our blog is bragging about the benefits of routines and schedules. Predictability is often very important to people with special needs, and while we strive to stretch our children's flexible thinking, we have noticed that routine is extremely important when seeing children up for success. We can tailor your routines and schedules to simplify your day-to-day life, and provide essential framework in which your child can learn and grow.

Whether you're looking for new ideas for a morning routine, homework routine, bedtime routine or an overhaul of your entire weekly schedule - we can help.

(2) Observation & Feedback 
We have consultants who can come to your house and watch how it runs - then from the observation they can give you some suggestions that may make your life easier. It can be fairly uncomfortable to have somebody watching how your home life works - so this kind of consultation won't work for everyone. Having said that, this is one of the best ways to make change because the consultant is seeing an accurate depiction of the issues that you may have trouble describing in words.

(3) Sibling Social Coaching 
Many parents are extremely frustrated with the way their children treat one another. Certain special needs (such as Autism) can cause a child to have a lack of empathy, which can be very difficult for a typically developing sibling to understand. While we can't "fix" your children's relationship, we can offer tools, key words and techniques to help you manage their day-to-day interactions. We may also be able to help you understand the fine line between where your child is being unreasonable, and where he needs extra help understanding other people's feelings.

(4) Developing Parental Boundaries 
Juggling family life is a full-time job! Many parents have never actually sat down together and discussed the ways in which they will work together when it comes to managing their children's behavior. Children know when their parents aren't on "the same page" and they will quickly learn to play you off of one another. This will not only cause more behaviors, but eventually it will cause some erosion in your relationship. We can help get the conversation started - and with a Behavioral Consultant's third-party input, it might just be easier to get the ball rolling.

(5) Respite for Families who have children with Special Needs
Parenting is the most difficult task you'll ever take on - and you need rest. If you have a child, or a young adult with special needs, we have people who understand kids with differences, and can take care of your child without you needing to worry about a thing.

Remember - nobody is a perfect parent! Hiring a Behavioral Consultant will not magically make you a perfect parent either - but we may just be able to bring a fresh perspective to your situation.

15 Activities for Wiggly Kids

1. Hopping
Key Phrase: "Two feet together."

Set a landmark, and get the child to hop there and back. This input will compress his joints and help him know where his body is in space.

2. Skipping
Key Phrase: "Knees to hands."

This activity uses both sides of the brain, and is really hard for some kids. If they struggle, physically help them by tapping which leg and arm she will be using. Also, putting her hands out for the knees to hit on their way up will provide a stepping stone to successful skipping.

3. Jumpin' Jacks
Key Phrase: "Clap hands over your head."

Some kids do very small Jumpin' Jacks, and others have trouble counting 1:1 per jump. If you get the child to clap over his head, you'll most likely get a more complete jump from him, and also the clap will provide sensory input.

4. Push Ups
Key Phrase: "All the way to straight arms."

Some children with sensory sensitivities may also have physical problems where they have low tone, or don't extend their arms fully. Without having her "lock" her arms, encourage full push ups rather than a certain quantity.

5. Planking
Key Phrase: "Butt down."

Many kids will want to poke their butts in the air while planking. If he's finding it hard, encourage him that it's meant to be difficult to plank. Strengthening the core will make it easier for a child to sit still.

6. Downward Dog
Key Phrase: "Hands flat, butt up".

For children who seem to be preoccupied by playing with their hands, downward dog provides the input that can help temporarily curb this behavior. Also downward dog will build her bone density, wake her up and boost circulation.

7. Growing Seeds
Key Phrase: "Grow from a seed to a flower."

Have your kids go as small as possible, and grow as tall as possible - all in slow motion. Some kids go from 0-100 really quickly in everything they do - sensory seekers tend to go from whisper to yell, happy to infuriated, calm to hyper - in a matter of moments. This activity helps them establish "shades of grey" within their behavior.

8. Bean Bag Toss
Key Phrase: "1...2...3"

Grab two beanbags and two people, set yourselves at least shoulder-width apart and throw the beanbags simultaneously. Aim for  certain amount of catches, and don't acknowledge the misses. Builds hand-eye co-ordination.

9. Hoops
Key Phrase: "Switch Arms."

Teach your child to spin a hoop on his arm, and switch it to the other arm. This uses both sides of the brain, on top of mastering a skill of hand-eye co-ordination. Excellent to use before a child needs to sit for a while and pay attention.

10. Weight Lifting
Key Phrase: "(Chair) to (the fence)."

Find the heaviest kid-friendly weight available and have her carry it to a landmark. At the airport, get your kids to roll the suitcases for you. At school, have her lift a chair. Find something heavy and go with it! When the muscles work hard, the child with sensory sensitivities will be more focused.

11. Cross Crawls
Key Phrase: "Touch elbow bone to kneecap."

Again, this activity uses both sides of the brain and gets kids ready to learn.

12. Fast & Slow
Key Phrase: "Really fast for 20 seconds, really slow for 20 seconds."

Get their energy out by moving really fast first, then calm them down by challenging them to change track and move slow.

13. Running
Key Phrase: "To (there) and back."

Nothing fancy, just run!

14. Drawing 
Key Phrase: (None, perhaps set a time limit)

This can be really relaxing. Some kids like to write their name, some kids like to write numbers and others regulate themselves by doodling.

15. Silent Celebrations
Key Phrase: "Silent means no noise."

Kids might want to run around like they're celebrating, or even have a real accomplishment to celebrate. Either way, teach them to do it silently and see how much fun they can have without being overstimulated with sound.