Holiday Party Success

If you have children with sensory sensitivities, attending holiday parties can be a nightmare. Amidst the flashing lights of Christmas trees, burning flames on a Chanukiah, crowded rooms and festive singing, you may find that your child is completely overstimulated - and you are completely stressed out. On top of it all, you will probably be surrounded by long lost relatives who have no idea about Sensory Processing Disorder.

How will you survive the season, while saving face when it comes to the burning stares of your family?

(1) Keep it short and sweet
How long do you expect your child to keep it together? Figure out the 'base line' when it comes to your child's behavior - if he tends to melt down after 45 minutes at a play date or a party, consider only keeping him in those kinds of situations for 45 minutes. Aim to leave on a good note! It's better to leave and have people wonder why your child needed to go, rather than stay and have them realize why you should've left.

(2) Provide breaks
When you see that your child's behavior is escalating, try taking him away from the crowd for some quiet time. Maybe he needs to blow off some steam and run laps, maybe he needs some core-engaging stretches, or maybe he would benefit from curling up with a book and a cuddle. You know your own kids, watch their actions and be attentive to how you can help set them up for success.

(3) Keep the main thing, the main thing. 
Think about this: What is the most important part of this party? When you figure it out, you will know how far you should push your sensory-sensitive child to engage with the event. If the "main thing" is dinner, practice table manners ahead of time and lay out the exact expectations for your child. If the "main thing" is spending time with family members, prompt your child with ways in which she can connect with particular people. (Keep your expectations realistic - a 7yo child won't naturally have a lot to say to a Great Grandma she has never met.)

(4) Be aware of triggers 
What are your child's triggers? If loud environments trigger behaviors, how can you limit your child's exposure to overstimulating volumes? If you can't control the time frame, be prepared to supervise him closely and act as his "external regulator". If you see that he is becoming disregulated, take him away for a break and return when he is calm. Knowing your child's triggers is the best strategy towards preventing undesirable behaviors.

(5) Awareness
This might be awkward, but have you tried explaining Sensory Integration to your family? They might not understand why you are so vigilant with your child's environment and behavior, and may think that some of your strategies are weird. If you are able to tell more of your network about your child's differences, you may find that they start to accept your child's differences and treat situations with more thoughtfulness.

Happy Holidays from all of us at Kahlon Family Services!

This is boring.

Boredom is something that most of us feel on a daily basis. Nobody enjoys being bored, and very few people embrace it. With the rise of smart phones, we adults rarely allow ourselves to be bored. There is always something to check, something to learn, a status update to like, a picture to snap - the list goes on and on. With all of these 'fillers', we wonder what the next generation will learn about boredom? Will they learn to fill all of their downtime with screens?

We think that boredom can be a very good thing. Kids are having more screen time now than ever before, and while there are some great sanity-saving benefits, screens might be doing more harm than good. We constantly meet parents whose children have become addicted to their iPads, which have created a lot of negative and obsessive behaviors. Constant screen time is also associated with antisocial behaviors, as we know in adulthood, relates to the feeling that people aren't truly present in life if they are always on their phones.

Maybe we need some good ole' fashioned boredom!

What boredom teaches kids:

(1) Creativity
When you allow your children to experience boredom, they will learn to fill their time with other activities. Can your kids entertain themselves with limited resources? Why don't you try naming all 50 states. Can they make a game out of nothing? Why don't you try finding everything in the room that starts with 'S'. While waiting for food at a restaurant, are they kept amused by paper and a pen? Have you heard of the game called dots? Click here for an online example, but you can literally play this with a pen and a napkin. While you wait in line at the airport security check-in, why don't you play the hat game? All you need to do is take turns coming up with all the different types of hats you can think of. We'll start you off - baseball cap, beanie, fez, yarmulke, visor... your turn!

(2) Self Control
Exposing your children to boring situations from a young age teaches them that the world doesn't revolve around their comfort. Sometimes we think that we have to thrust an iPad into the hand of a whining child the minute some kind of boring or lengthy situation occurs. Yes, it's far easier to keep them amused with screens, but you may be creating a rod for your own back. What will happen the day the battery is flat, or you get an important call while your child is playing Minecraft on your phone?

(3) Problem Solving
Problem: This trip to Great Aunt Mildred's house isn't fun because there's "nothing to do". Solution: Find something to do. If you keep solving problems for your children, they won't know how to be resilient. While fixing their kid-sized problems now feels like the easiest way to stay sane, as they grow their problems grow with them. Are you preparing your children for real life?

(4) Patience
A couple of weeks ago, we blogged about curbing childhood impulsivity. Despite the special needs that your child may face, you are still able to teach them to be patient. Nothing of worth ever comes quickly or easily, so let this liberate you towards directly teaching your child patience. It may feel mean, but consider the long-term goals.

This week, think of some ways in which you can create some strategically boring situations for your children and encourage their creativity!

Yes, No, Maybe : Choosing Your Battles

Raising children is the hardest job in the world. Most parents would agree that it would be easier if we had a playbook of definitive rules, instead of a myriad of possibilities. There are so many tiny choices imbedded in everyday life and we all wonder if one wrong decision will deeply impact our children. But then again, we are bombarded with magazines, blogs and professionals who confuse our sensibilities of 'right' and 'wrong' parenting ideals - if such concepts even exist.

While running the risk of completely ironically telling you how to parent your children, we have a few tips when it comes to choosing your battles. Some days you can face a screamfest head-on, other days you simply could not be bothered.


(1) While we recognize that consistency is key to daily parenting life, we'd like to really honestly admit that we aren't consistent all the time. In fact, nobody is. The core of consistency is giving your child an expectation of how to behave in certain contexts. There are always exceptions to the rules - routine changes, sickness, tiredness, special occasions to name a few. Be as consistent as possible, but model the same kind of mental flexibility you would hope your children to be able to employ.

(2) Instead of saying, "No," all the time, try saying, "Yes." How? At first, restrict the things that your child is allowed to do, and then open up further privileges and possibilities once she proves that she can cope with the responsibility. For example, keep an earlier bedtime for a child until they can function on less sleep and still get everything they need done (e.g. Homework, chores etc.) It is so much more liberating and dignified to be able to grant your child access to things they would like, instead of taking away privileges you have given to them too early on.

(3) When your child asks you for something, ask yourself, "Will this affect the future?" This might seem like an intense question, but it will help you decide when to say yes, no or maybe. Sometimes, the first time you permit an activity, you are starting something that you will later regret. Maybe you can relate with that first soda you let your child drink, that

Take a Break

Do you ever wonder if there is something that you could do to prevent your child from melting down? Each situation is different, so there is no definitive answer to that question. We have learned, over a decade of experience, that catching a tantrum before it gets out of hand is our best preventative strategy.

You might be wondering if that's even possible.

We have all been in that situation, where your child goes from zero to five hundred immediately. It can be really embarrassing when you're out in public and downright infuriating when you at home. We have 3 words for you that could change the way you handle your child's escalating emotions;

TAKE A BREAK 

What does a break look like?

For some situations, kids need a quiet place to recollect themselves. They may need a book or a blanket, a snack or a snuggle. For other situations, kids need to get out and run. But sometimes running with hype them up, so they need a quick core-engaging workout - like crunches or planking. A "break" is something quick that a child can do to get their body and brain realigned to learn or be part of a group. 

So, how do these words impact your daily life?

(1) Be aware of your child's triggers. If he loses control at birthday parties or events with a lot of people around, prevention is your best medicine. Keep your attendance short at these events - try staying for 45 minutes only, catching the most important parts. Give your child frequent breaks during the event - even if he looks like he has it together. Breaks help kids be more successful. 

(2) Remove your emotional involvement in the heat of the moment. If you find your anxiety level rising with your child's energy - all you need to say is 3 words - Take a Break. Provide a place and a plan for "break times" at home and out of the house. Create a calm space for your child to go, pre-approved activities to be done in the calm space and an expectation that the space will be used appropriately. 

(3) Incorporate breaks into the "together" times of the day. We aim to remove the connotation of "time out" when it comes to breaks. The best breaks are ones that are preventative, not punitive. 

(4) Use fewer words! For the sake of processing, give directions using the fewest words possible. The phrase, "Take a Break" holds an expectation and direction all in one. 

If you have any questions about this post, feel free to contact us on info@kahlonfamilyservices.com 

Raising Thankful Kids

Everyone appreciates a 'Thank You'. When people are truly grateful for things, there is an air about them that others do not possess. People who practice expressions of gratitude are much more pleasant to be around than people who take life for granted. People who are thankful for the things life brings their way have more friends, are more employable and are happier than those who feel like the world owes them something for their very existence. Thankfulness begins in early childhood, and is modeled by parents.

How do we raise kids with an attitude of gratitude?

(1) Model thankfulness. 
The old saying, "Do what I say, not what I do" doesn't fly when it comes to setting an example of being thankful. Ask yourself,
- Do I thank my kids for things? Do I thank them for not just 'doing', but also for 'being'?
- Do I thank others in the presence of my kids?
- Do I thank people not just by saying, "Thank You"; but by writing notes, doing acts of service, reciprocating kindness etc?

(2) Provide opportunities for delayed gratification. 
If you buy your kids everything they want, without them having to ever wait for a special occasion, or earn/save money, you are essentially teaching them that money grows on trees - and that it is really easy to get money trees.  As a parent, it is normal for you to want to buy your kids things - especially things that they want. By controlling your impulse to indulge them without reason, you're showing them the value of waiting. There's nothing wrong with having nice things, but remember that 'things' are temporary and no amount of possessions will ever build character or satisfy your soul. Once your kids start getting everything, they'll start expecting it. Are you ready for that kind of thing?

(3) Regularly give things away. 
Maybe your kids' toy box is overflowing and messing up the whole house. Do they really need all those toys? Are they even all age/developmentally appropriate? Could you think of someone who has less toys - or could you give some to Goodwill? (When explaining concepts like 'Goodwill' be specific - my Mom used to say, "We are giving these clothes to the poor kids" and I had no idea what that meant. In my mind there was some village of kids kicking around a can and wearing my clothes.) Being thankful with what we have stems from knowing that we don't need everything. If you teach your kids to live without things, you're breaking the attachment they have to their belongings. You can actually raise kids who value people over possessions.

(4) Develop awareness of the less fortunate. 
Kids with social differences are likely be deeply impacted by the idea of poverty and/or the third world, in a different way to typically developing children. Remember, the poverty line exists in our own backyard - you may need to travel abroad to find people without clean water, but we don't need to go to Africa to find hungry kids. There is a fine line between creating awareness of the good things we enjoy, without making a child feel guilty for having tasty food, new electronics and fashionable clothing. Keep dialog open about how lucky they are to have the 'extra' things in life, but always in a positive light. Monitor how your child processes profound concepts like poverty - if it is disturbing to them, try and uncover what is bothering them so much. (It is likely that they fear being in poverty themselves, and you can explain why that is extremely unlikely to happen.)

(5) Create a thankfulness ritual. 
Some people say grace before meals, others talk about things they are thankful for on car trips or around the dinner table in conversations. I have found that parents know good times of the day when children are open and receptive to deeper-level conversations, and taking those opportunities as teachable moments will not only build the relationship you have with your child, it will also give you a window into their developing minds.

Happy Thanksgiving! May you have fun with your family, have safe travels and enjoy much turkey/tofurky :)
Wishing you all the best from the team at Kahlon Family Services :)

Toddler Development

Suddenly your little baby is beginning to walk.
Suddenly your little baby can talk.
Suddenly... your little baby's favorite word is, "NO!"
She says it 500 times a day, accompanied by loud screams and temper tantrums.
She cries because you dressed her in jeans when she wants to wear a tutu, she cries because you told her she can't eat the dog food, and she cries because she's "not tired" even though her eyes are half-closed and five minutes later she will fall asleep in the middle of the kitchen floor.
Congratulations, you have a toddler.

Many parents are concerned that they have done something wrong, or that their child is developing abnormally in toddlerhood. For this reason, we are featuring a developmental checklist on The Spectrum this week, sourced from NSW Community. (Click on the link to see all age ranges of childhood development.)

1-2 Years

- Can take 2-3 steps without support
- Crawls up steps
- Can roll a large ball, using both arms
- Finger feeds efficiently
- Beginning to walk independently, with frequent falls
- Climbs up steps
- Climbs onto chairs
- "Dances" in place to music
- Reverts to crawling when in a hurry, instead of walking
- Can't make sudden stops or turns
- Spends a lot of time exploring and manipulating objects; putting them in her mouth, shaking, banging
- Likes to repeat actions that have predictable or interesting results (i.e. banging a spoon on a pot)
- Likes to repeat actions that make things happen (i.e. opening/closing a door, switching lights on and off)
- When frightened, seeks comfort from somebody to whom they are attached
- Takes cue from primary attachment figure as to how to receive strangers (i.e. If the parent finds the person friendly, the toddler will know how to feel about the person)
- Can drink from a cup
- Stacks 2 blocks
- Puts an object into a container and tips it out again
- Will try to use a spoon or fork (awkwardly)
- Will assist another in distress by patting or offering physical objects
- Will begin to utter one word sentences
- Will point to eyes, nose and mouth in a game with an adult
- Points to things
- Will recognize himself in a mirror
- Comprehends simple questions and demands
- May play alongside other toddlers
- Imitates parents
- Avoids obstacles
- Imitates animal sounds
- Likes books

If you are concerned that your child isn't reaching all of these milestones, remember that all children develop differently. If you are concerned that your child isn't reaching most of these milestones by age 2, contact your pediatrician for a check up.

Managing Childhood Impulsivity

(Video Source:  LA Toronto Blog) 

Many parents have a hard time with children who display impulsive behaviors. We all know that babies and toddlers want things, and they usually want them NOW! But as children get older, they start to develop the ability to delay gratification and make more constructive choices when they want something.

The main areas of impulsivity that children (especially children with attention or empathy deficits) struggle with are;
- Interrupting conversations
- Physicality before using their words
- Calling out in class, or group situations

All of these areas present problems when trying to function as a family. You may be at the end of your tether with your child, and completely at a loss when it comes to understanding why they do what they do. Well, we think it boils down to this - Waiting is hard work!

For an adult, a decision is made based on weighing up costs and benefits. This process takes place over many years, and nobody ever completely masters the art of perfect decision-making. In fact, impulsive decision making is a normal part of life, and teaches us to learn from our mistakes or "Learn the Hard Way." Sometimes this is the only way that some lessons can be learned. However, as parents, we are required to model self control in order to make constructive choices that will benefit our families, and other people in our local and global communities.

Why should we delay gratification?
If we have the means, or the power to get what we want when we want it - should we still need to delay gratification? In our opinion, yes. When you wait for something, you appreciate it more, you become more thankful for what you have, and you build character in the meantime.


How can parents model self control?

(1) Be honest with your children
Wanting something and having to wait for it is sometimes very difficult. Have an open dialogue about the ways in which you may struggle with delaying gratification. Make a point to tell your children about some ways you distract yourself from wanting an extra piece of cake, or buying that gadget that you want but don't need.

(2) Set them up for success
If you don't want them to eat candy, don't keep candy in the house! If you want them to stop interrupting you, make a system where you can non-verbally communicate that you will be with them soon. For example, some parents ask their kids to place a hand on their arm while waiting to say something. The parent places their hand on top of the child's hand to non-verbally affirm that they know the child wants to talk. Then, once the parent has finished talking to whomever they were first speaking, the parent responds to the child.

(3) Rewind!
If your child has an impulsive behavior, stop it as soon as possible - then tell the child exactly what they did, with fact not feeling (e.g. "You hit your brother before using your words.") After labeling what just happened call, "Rewind!" - this gives your child the chance to do-ver their unproductive choice. Instead of becoming angry at your child's behavior, remove your emotion and help "reprogram" their actions.

(4) "Think first, then act."
Use this phrase to help your child externalize their behavior. Where you have time in advance, help your child to plan ahead, by talking about what is going to happen and possible ways to deal with the situation. Have your child come up with a productive choice, or coach their thinking to suggest a more positive outcome.

How do you know when it's time to seek help?
Impulsivity in older children, and young adolescents, can be a problem that leads into non-preferred adult behaviors. Without a grasp on delayed gratification, teens may be more prone to having unprotected sex, or making snap decisions about sex in general. Food and alcohol use may also become problematic, as well as emotional regulation or money management.

If you are concerned about your child's level of impulsivity, contact a professional (therapist, behavior specialist etc.) and make a plan towards tackling these impulsive behaviors. 

Interview with Shana Meyerson from mini yogis

(1) Tell us a bit about mini yogis

The mini yogis program was created to offer the profound and life-changing benefits of yoga to children in a fun and engaging package. Let's face it, all the things that make yoga awesome for adults (meditation, breathing, sustained postures) can be boring as can be to kids! So, what we've done is repackaged all these elements into activities that kids enjoy, while we sneak in the benefits through the back door. Like kale in a smoothie. When meditation, for example, is a game, children learn the same vital skills as adults do, but they do it in a fun and exciting way that they look forward to participating in. 

(2) Why do you find yoga important in your daily life? 

Yoga is my daily life. Why do I find it important? Because it guides me in my code of conduct and integrity. Because it grounds me physically, mentally, and emotionally. Because it challenges me and embraces me. Because it makes me strong in body, mind, and character. Because it teaches me to breathe. 

(3) What are the benefits of practicing yoga with children?

When you consider the benefits of yoga for children, of course it makes sense to start with the benefits yoga has for adults. Namely, it helps to stimulate and regulate their Nervous, Respiratory, Lymphatic, Circulatory, Muscular, Digestive, Endocrine, Immune, Skeletal, and Vascular systems. Pretty comprehensive, right? Well, I’d have to say that the most profound benefits of yoga for kids go far beyond the simple physical ramifications. More than anything, yoga builds self-confidence, patience, kindness and other life skills that do more than change bodies, they change lives.

A child’s yoga practice is one of the only places that s/he can go without being rated, graded, or berated. In children’s yoga, the only way you can do something wrong is by not doing anything at all. Trying is doing and there is an incredible power in that. Everyone has heard the saying “What would you do if you knew you could not fail?”. And if you are like most people, your mind starts racing to all sorts of thoughts of amazing things you’d want to try. All too often, people yield to fear of failure or judgment when considering risk and, as a result, never even try the things that might totally revolutionize their lives. Yoga empowers kids to try and succeed at everything that they set their minds to.

(4) Kids are super unpredictable - what has been the funniest moment you've had with mini yogis? 

Too many to count. I guess my funniest moment was recently when a five-year-old boy announced that he had to go potty and started to walk towards the bathroom. His nanny quickly jumped up and asked "Do you want me to come with you?". The boy looked at her and said "Of course not. I'm going to the bathroom." Then he turned around, looked at me and sang, "AWKWARD!" and went about his merry way. It was the inflection and perfect delivery that just slayed me, it was so funny.

(5) What has been the most gratifying moment of your time teaching yoga to children? 

Every moment, honestly, is gratifying. I have the best job in the world. But overall, I'd say the most gratifying moment was working with a boy with spina bifida who came to me in a wheelchair and walked out of his first lesson unassisted on his own two feet.

(6) How do people become certified with mini yogis? 

We offer teacher trainings all over the world in an intensive, condensed format. Our mini yogis trainings are 10 - 20 hours long, conducted over the course of one weekend. While anyone at all can attend, it is recommended that you already practice yoga and have a good, working knowledge of the practice before attending. The more you bring in, the more you get out. You can see our full schedule of trainings at http://miniyogis.com/teacher/get–certified/. We are one of the oldest yoga for kids teacher trainings on earth (established 2002) and everyone walks out of the training with a certificate and a smile. :)

Interview with Melissa Shanley

Original Nest

> (1) Tell us a bit about the upcoming art show?

I am showing my most recent fiber sculptures and photographs at the SF Open Studios event.  Through ArtSpan's SF Open Studios, artists open their studios to the public. This way the public gets to interact with the artist without a filtering factor, like a gallery. The public gets to see where the work is created, get a feel for how the artist works and is influenced. People can also ask questions and, hopefully, feel supported in their curiosity about art.

> 2) What inspires your artwork?

So many things. That is such a rich question.

What inspires the images is unique lines revealed by daily life. In my photography, it is usually something as simple as the worn edge of a beautifully unique, old doorway or rooftop which becomes a rich, sometimes abstract form in the photograph. I have learned to take my camera with me because I never know when an amazing anomaly of daily life will reveal itself to me. I know the photograph is a success when I hear the viewer laugh or question what they are looking at.

With my fiber sculpture, the inspiration is some form of the daily and simple beauty of life... like the undulation or color variation of a piece of fallen bark, for example.  I need to create works in which the viewer can sense the tactile and structural composition without even touching it. And I am inspired by natural textures which create that sense.

I have also played with the concept of "nest" since the 1990s and everything from quail egg shells and miniature driftwood to shed cat whiskers and rooster feathers have inspired me and found their way into my sculptures.  I have studied and struggled with the concept of line, rather than image, for all those years, and that struggle continues to provide me with rich work and inspiration, as well.

On an emotional level, what inspires me is a relaxed state in which I am fed by ample time to work with my images.  The last several years, that state had been eroded to non-existence.  I didn't realize how crucial it was until I started to regain it.  The work Vanessa Kahlon and her team has done with Ian and our a family has restored us to balance. Ian feels safe and is more calmly interactive than I have ever seen him before. His laughter is abundant and infectious. As a result of all this, my husband and I have a deeper relationship again and I have time and energy for my artwork.

A bonus and unexpected inspiration of what I just described has been a new connection between Ian and I. Ian has always known my artwork feeds me and would occasionally encourage me to go to my studio, but with my gas tank on empty, I had nothing to fuel me in there.

Now, we intuitively seem to feed each other's creativity. He sees me go into what he calls a "camera coma" when I begin photographing something which spontaneously grabs me. He will grab a camera and happily begin his own coma. He has an eye for light and line and design. He even will prompt me to grab my camera when I am distracted by a daily duty and point me to an unusual and interesting form.

Some of our images are almost indistinguishable from each other. I will have a couple of those on display, side-by-side, at the Open Studio for those of you interested in seeing the results of a calm internal state with a unique kid who who is thriving. Ian will be at the studio from about 11-12 Saturday and Sunday to show his work with mine. He's excited about it and is even the one who suggested it. Thank you, Vanessa!

> (3) Whose art inspires you?

Artists who have struggled with and explored the concept of line have inspired me. Auguste Rodin and Georgia O'Keeffe are the two most important to me. When I feel I am occasionally not succeeding in creating the line or form I am striving for, I think of them and the richness of the forms they created.

Andy Goldsworthy, the environmental sculptor and photographer, also inspires me. Using natural materials such as stones, leaves and flower petals, he transforms nature into sculpture. His work reminds me that anything can be interesting, beautiful and worth working with-- that anything can be presented from a slightly different perspective and attract the viewer to the beauty and power which was always there, unnoticed.

 

> (4) When you make art, what are the perfect conditions for your studio space?

The perfect conditions include a calm belief in and awareness of myself.  When I have that, it doesn't matter if the studio is a mess or if other people are having challenges: I can take the next steps necessary to create the work which needs me to create it. The important thing is for me to almost constantly feed that calm awareness of myself and my work. Sometimes I do that by working on and editing pieces I am already familiar with and sometimes by connecting with people who know me well and believe in me and my work. I have come to understand that I have to create artwork in order to stay sane and balanced. And I have to do whatever it takes to make that happen because if I don't, I am not whole and happy and, therefore, not helpful to those around me who need me.

> (5) What advice can you give to other parents who enjoy making art with their kids?

I am not very good with advice, but I can share what works for me in hopes that it helps someone else... When I feed myself emotionally, then I can do the artwork I have to create to stay balanced and that, in turn, opens doors to connections (and art) with others. Just today, for example, after taking about an hour to do my work, I bounced out into the car to have a playful-- and artful-- afternoon with my family. My husband made a comment to everyone that I was so happy and fun to be with because I had been working. I love that it is so obvious. Working allows more work, allows flow and fun with family and others, allows art and connection with my child and even my husband.

People had been telling me for years to focus on myself and my artwork. At the time, I didn't believe there was time or space for my work. Now I know there is no time or space for me not to work. My child, his connection with me, as well as the artwork we do together, depends on it.

I would encourage people to work with Vanessa and her team to get the family in balance, then find what feeds you and do that twice as much as you think you should-- then watch the art happen with your child as a result.

When Kids Lie

Let's be honest - everybody lies.
When raising children, most parents are keenly aware of when their child is lying and we try our best to instill truthfulness into our family values. The funny thing about lying, is that parents are often unknowingly encouraging their children to be dishonest.

There are many reasons to lie;
- To control the outcome of a situation
- To gain personal advantage
- To avoid punishment
- To boost self-esteem
- To maintain their own (or another's) privacy
- To protect a friend
- To avoid embarrassment

So, why are parents encouraging their kids to lie? Well, to be specific, we mean "white lies".
These kinds of lies are called pro-social. Let's just say you are eating dinner at a friend's house - if that friend were to ask your child if he liked the food, and he didn't, wouldn't you kind of want him to lie? We call that, "Being Polite". If we're also being honest here, then we could see that this "lying" is a kind of creative social skill.

Lying is a very normal part of childhood development. A child's first successful lie marks a milestone in their ability to be a separate human being from their parents. Actually, according to studies, preschoolers with higher IQs are more likely to lie.

Unfortunately, not all lies are so innocent. As children advance past the preschool stage, some parents have problems with their children frequently lying and obviously, this is a cause for concern. Lying is a learned behavior and that means it can be changed. Some children frequently lie because the expectations placed on them are too strict. Some lie because their upbringing presents situations where they are given too much freedom and they don't know what to do with it. Some children lie because they have something to hide, which may become serious as they enter middle and high school where the prevalence of drugs, alcohol and eating disorders are increased.

So, what should you do if your child has a problem with lying behavior?

Firstly, don't ever label your child a "Liar". Kids will live up to the names you call them!
Then, create an intervention. Have strict consequences surrounding lying behavior, and follow through every time.
If you have an older child who constantly lies with no pro-social motivation (i.e. Are the lies primarily self-seeking?) it may be time to have a professional involved, as the lying could be a sign of other problems.

Interview with Andrew Schlegelmilch

Andrew Schlegelmilch is the head psychologist of California's Orion Academy - a college preparatory school for secondary students with neurocognitive disabilities, such as Asperger's Syndrome or  Non-Verbal Learning Disorder. 

The team at Kahlon Family Services were fortunate enough to have spent a few hours with Andrew recently, picking his brains about what it is like to spend his days in a school like Orion. 

We decided to interview him for the Spectrum Blog, so that you - the parents and caregivers of kids with special needs - might be able to get a taste of all the things happening with Andrew and Orion. 

Enjoy!

______________________________

(1) Tell us a bit about what you do at Orion Academy

I am the Head Psychologist at Orion Academy.  I am responsible for the social and pragmatic language training students receive at Orion, and I answer to the Director of the school.  My duties include teaching social skills classes to and otherwise managing Juniors and Seniors at Orion, and all that entails.  My workday includes a broad range of activities in addition to teaching, such as parent and professional consultation, program development, individual meetings with students, training of clinical staff, and public speaking.

(2) How did you first become interested in Asperger's Syndrome and NLD?

I was originally attracted to the job posting because I had clinical experience working in middle schools and high schools in and around Cleveland.  I found the school work dynamic and collaborative, and I liked the idea of meeting kids where they lived and worked-out in the community-instead of exclusively in my office after school.  I had limited experience working with individuals on the Spectrum at the time, and have since developed an expertise and interest in the population.  After about a year working at Orion it occurred to me that several of my friends in high school and college were likely on the Spectrum.  I naturally gravitate toward intelligent, verbal, kind, and quirky individuals.

(3) What do you like the most about being surrounded by teens with AS & NLD?

The attraction of being with kids on the Spectrum is, to me, similar to the attraction of international travel.  I love meeting and getting to know people who are different from me, see the world differently, and have a unique experience and perspective on the world.  Each person I meet on the Spectrum has a dramatically different perspective about life than I do, and I love getting to know this perspective.

(4) What are the greatest challenges with having such a large number of AS/NLD kids in the same school?

Sometimes the academic and clinical needs of ASD highschoolers can be intense and overwhelming, and especially when all the students are needing individual attention at the same time.  I am fortunate to work with a talented and highly trained clinical team, and a group of the most gifted, hard-working, and good-natured teachers and staff I have ever had the pleasure of knowing.  I don't know where these people get their energy and optimism, but it is one of the main reasons I look forward to going to work every day.

(5) What is the funniest, or most bizarre, situation that you have found yourself in, since working with this population? (These must be frequent)

Weird things happen every day at school.  I suppose I have become used to some of the peculiarities over the years I have been working at Orion.  I started keeping a log of "events" called "The Second Craziest Thing I Saw Today" because it is never one, discrete, strange moment.  Such moments always happen in multiples.  Coming up with the strangest story is likely impossible, and unethical to tell because it would be too hard to de-identify the players.  Some of the stories make me laugh (a student once brought a cat to our dog training class), some make me cringe (a student went to tell the secretary that he was feeling sick and ended up throwing up on her), some angry (a parent requested a new psychologist when I critically evaluated the independent living skills of his daughter) and some confused (students will accuse me of getting them in trouble with their parents and, in the same breath, ask me for money for lunch).

(6) What kind of advice can you offer parents and teachers with ASD/NLD students, who do not have access to a school made to meet their needs?

Even I depend on a team of professionals to provide adequate care and training to ASD individuals with whom I work.  Regardless your experience or ability, work on developing relationships with other adults who can help you in your efforts with raising and training the ASD students in your care.

Sensory Processing Disorder

We highly recommend these books

She fidgets constantly. She is almost always making noise. She loves spicy food. She plays so roughly, crashing toys into one another. She doesn't seem to know where her body ends and the rest of the world starts. She trips over her own feet. She is so intense.

He lays on the floor a lot. He is afraid of playgrounds. He hates the tags on his shirt, to the point where I need to cut them off because they drive him crazy. Everything seems to be too loud for him. I don't know if he understands the world around him, because he seems to be scared of becoming involved. 

And they scream - about things that we don't understand. The meltdowns are sudden and severe. 

__________

Even though it seems like these kids are completely opposite, both are descriptions of children with Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD - sometimes known as Sensory Integration Disorder, or SID). Parenting a child with SPD can be extremely difficult, because unless you have similar struggles, you will never truly understand what it feels like to live in a body that doesn't process sensory information properly. People with SPD have a hard time appropriately acting on information received through the senses, and that can make certain social situations difficult to navigate. 

So, what causes Sensory Processing Disorder? 

The exact cause has not yet been identified, according to Lucy Jane Miller - author of Sensational Kids: Hope and Help for Children with Sensory Processing Disorder. The most important thing for parents to know, is that their parenting style hasn't caused their child to have SPD. Studies have shown that it is likely a neurodevelopmental disorder, and if so, the cause has been coded into your child's genetic material. 

Is Sensory Processing Disorder the same as Autism? 

A significant number of kids with an Autism Spectrum Disorder have problems with sensory integration - yet studies have shown that most children with SPD are not on the spectrum. The Autism Spectrum has certainly got a sensory component, but there are other signs that are primary social. 

Sensory Processing Disorder looks a lot like ADHD - is it the same? 

SPD is a fairly new diagnosis, and through the years many children have been misdiagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. It's no secret that the two disorders present in a similar way, but the treatment can be extremely different. ADHD is often treated with medication, and SPD is treated by addressing sensory needs.

What do I do if my child displays signs of Sensory Processing Disorder? 

Find a good Occupational Therapist (OT). Ask around for a referral, some children at your child's school may be seeing an OT outside of school hours, and their parents are your best resource. Some Occupational Therapists will treat SPD with a therapeutic listening program, which are a series of uncompressed music files that affect brain activity. And OT will also help provide your child with a myriad of sensory experiences, and a "sensory diet" to assist self regulation. 

What is the role of a Behavior Specialist when it comes to a child with SPD? 

Many of the signs of SPD are behavioral, though they come from sensory needs. Behavior Specialists can help you with parenting a special needs child - making realistic goals, helping you ride the waves of a meltdown, and making plans to manage your child's behavioral effect on the family unit. We can help you function together as a stronger family, despite the difficulties presented with SPD. 

How do I know which behaviors are in my child's control, and which are directly caused by SPD?

This is the age old question, asked by every parent of a child with special needs. It may make you feel better to understand that there is no definitive answer, and your question is likely to be looming for years to come. We highly recommend researching SPD to gain a better understanding of your child's disorder - and therefore become closer to knowing why they do what they do.

What are some resources that will help me? 

The Out of Sync Child - by Carol Stock Kranowitz

The Out of Sync Child has Fun - by Carol Stock Kranowitz

SPD Foundation - www.spdfoundation.net 

Vital Sounds - www.vitalsounds.com

If you are living in the San Francisco Bay Area and would like to talk to a Behavior Specialist about your child's SPD, contact us at info@kahlonfamilyservices.com

Autism and Recess

The best part of most children's day is recess.

It's the time where there's no structure, everything is child-led and they can happily use their outside voices. 

But, for children with social differences, recess can be a total disaster. 

Why do kids with Autism generally struggle with recess? 

Autism affects social skills, often isolating the person from their peers through various means. Children with Autism rely heavily on schedules and predictability in order to feel safe and in control of the world around them. In addition, children with Autism have a really hard time knowing the difference between reality and fantasy. During recess, children find themselves in games that are led by peers - meaning that they don't carry the same level of compassion, grace and structure as their adult-led counterparts. Games that are invented by children often do not have a coherent framework of rules, and these loose rules may vary from day to day or from person to person. As you can imagine (or remember) - games that are invented by children are generally not "fair" or logical, and they can be a bit of a popularity contest. With all of these facets combined, you can see how children with Autism would struggle. 

As parents, how can we set our children up for social success? 

(1) Open dialogue with your child's teachers

Understanding that teachers have a lot to do (and that your child isn't their top/only priority) you can still create a way to communicate regarding his social skill development. Your child's teacher should be more than happy to send an email here and there about how things are going. If there are recess issues, you can ask to be made aware of them if it isn't already part of the school's procedure. In our opinion, the best way to process recess issues is to be able to talk about them at home and at school. With everybody on the same page, we can achieve a lot more in a shorter span of time. Be careful not to overstep your boundaries with the teacher, while still asserting your willingness to be involved and give support to your child's social development. 

(2) Facilitate play dates

Does your child have consistent friendships? If so, develop these by having regular play dates. If not, it's time for you to start getting proactive! Ask your child's teacher who is seems to gravitate towards at school. If he's more likely to play alone, ask the teacher to think of a few good "potential matches" for friendships. If you can get the email addresses/phone numbers of a couple of their parents, start trying to arrange a play date. Keep play dates short, task-focused and if your child needs it - stay around to help facilitate social success. If your child has problems with aggression or dangerous behavior, stay close by and do your best to avoid his frustrations from escalating. Do what you need to do in order to make the initial play date successful - even if that means that it is only 30 min long! You don't have a second chance to make a first impression. 

(3) Being honest 

It will not benefit your child if you keep her from knowing which of her behaviors are socially unacceptable. If she is doing something which is antisocial or unexpected, you are her consistent and loving guide. When you tell her what is going on, be "matter of fact" without being judgmental. The best way to support her, is to provide her with a concrete way to approach the situation differently. Role play it at home and try to practice these social skills in everyday life. 

(4) Role models

Let your child see you being sociable. When preparing for guests to come over to your house, involve your child in setting the table, getting dressed up and preparing a meal that others will enjoy. Engage your child in the empathic reasoning behind how and why we entertain guests. When you are going to someone else's house, show your child the etiquette of taking along some wine or flowers. When going out for a meal with family or friends, show your child how to engage in conversations that are interesting to the other person. Talk about it with your child afterwards - process through social skills together. It sounds tacky, but for children with delays in social development, this kind of instruction is vital. 

(5) Social Skills Groups

Another great way to prepare children for the social world around them is to enroll them in a social skills group. At Kahlon Family Services, we run social groups for children and teens of all ages, focusing on the skills we need to make quality connections with others. Since life is about community, these groups are really important for helping kids make leaps and bounds in their social development. 

If you have any questions about our social groups, or would like to enroll your child, please contact us at info@kahlonfamilyservices.com or visit our website on www.kahlonfamilyservices.com 

Speak for Yourself

One of the biggest problems that special needs kids have, is that everybody wants to speak for them.

As a parent, it is very tempting to want to fight every one of your child's battles with your voice - because after all, you have the voice which is most likely to be heard. When you see other children staring at your child, laughing at the way he acts or excluding him because he doesn't understand the game, it is nearly impossible for you to sit back and do nothing. Whatever hurts your child hurts you.

There comes an age where instead of speaking for your child, you need to give him his own voice. (Obviously if your child can't physically talk, or suffers from impaired speech, this advice won't apply. Go on being your child's voice!) You are building up a capable human being, who may be different to those around him, but nonetheless able to stand up for himself.

How do we make the transition?

(1) Equip your child with words
Some people decide not to have their child diagnosed, for many reasons, and that is an individual choice that needs to be respected. For those of you who are more forthright with the diagnosis, you may choose to tell your child that he or she has Autism (or whichever difference affects him) and allow him to fully understand what that means. This can be incredibly empowering for children who behave in ways that seem unexpected to others - they have a word for what makes them behave like this, and it can be easily expressed to adults and children alike. We have seen a child with Dyslexia sit in front of her class and explain what it feels like for her to have problems with words, and tell everyone why she has trouble reading. She then gave the teacher a picture book about Dyslexia and the whole class learned together. Nobody makes fun of her - they now understand that her brain works differently, while she feels safe and accepted.

(2) Allow processing time 
Before you jump in to answer questions for your child, consider counting to five - slowly! Your brain might work at lightning speed, but your child may need a moment to gather his thoughts. His delay may appear like he is ignoring you, and he might be. When parents and caregivers jump in too quickly, they mean well, but take away the child's voice. The child will soon get used to others speaking for him, and he won't see the value in stopping what he is doing in order to answer a question he probably doesn't want to answer. Try counting to five, asking the child to make eye contact with the person asking the question, and have the question asked a second time if he didn' hear it at first. If he's still coming up blank, try starting his sentences and see if he can finish. If not, give clues. Provide the scaffolding!

(3) Give him ownership of his differences
It is OK to be different - did you know? Some of the game-changers in our world have been people with significant differences! Einstein probably wasn't a great conversationalist and Isaac Newton was listed in a Wikipedia article for having a Retrospective Diagnosis of Autism. Your child is who she is, and she can make the best of it with confidence. Empower her to live life being proud of who she is, and knowing that she can live a life of great purpose.

(4) Define him by his abilities 
On occasion, you will need to tell people that your child has a special need. You may leave it at that, or you may give the name of his or her diagnosis. Whatever you do, lift up your eyes and see that he is much more than the label which has been given to him.

One wise Mom once said to me,

"Each day I learn to let go of him a little more. I don't own him, and that's the only way he will grow".

We hope you'll learn to do the same. 

Social Skills for Pre-Teens

Need social skills? This book's got plenty!

Growing up is hard. Growing up with Autism is even harder.

When you think back to your 'tween and teen years, no doubt you have memories of some of the most awkward years of your life. It's almost like the body grows too fast for the brain to catch up. Getting older requires a greater reliance on social cues, as the pressure to fit in becomes of paramount importance. People with Autism (and various other differences) have significant trouble with matching their behavior to the behavior of those around them. As a pre-teen, you can see how this could pose a problem. There is no magic wand for a social impairment - but as your child's advocate, you can help him learn what others may pick up naturally. 

We have come up with a few practical tips on how to help your growing child onto social success: 

(1) Be Honest

It may feel as though you are constantly 'at' your son or daughter about manners or social cues. If you feel as though you are starting to criticize your child, look at the way you are going about your "help". It is not helpful to tell him that he's rude, or that he stinks or that he'll "never learn". You may not want to run the risk of hurting his feelings, so you might try to ignore his behavior. In the long run, this is counterproductive, because he won't learn that what he is doing is inappropriate - until someone tells him in a not-so-gentle way. It is, however, helpful to point out behaviors that are socially unacceptable, explain why and model a more appropriate choice. 

(2) Talk About Hygiene

As bodies grow, they require more maintenance. Perhaps you have a child who doesn't like to take showers - now is the time to start teaching her why our bodies need to be clean in order to stay healthy. Take your child to the store and let her choose a deodorant that she likes, and teach her to use it as part of her morning routine. Pre-teen girls will need some coaching when it comes to looking after their bodies as they start shaving their legs and armpits, and start tackling "that time of the month". Teenage boys will need some help knowing when to use deodorant... and when they're using too much deodorant. All adolescents need help with these things, but teens with Autism will need some extra help - and some extra concrete ways of having these hygiene routines explained. Be honest, and be specific. 

(3) Use Books
Some things can be very awkward to discuss with your children. While we don't recommend throwing a book at them and walking away, we recognize that printed truths can sometimes be easier to handle than those which are spoken. Providing your child with quality (and modern) resources that help explain what's going on with their bodies may be one of the best ways to get the message across.

(4) Dating Education 
Some families have strict rules about whether or not pre-teens and young teens are allowed to "date". It might be useful to talk with your parenting partner about your child and the dating arena, and pre-decide on the stance you will take when the day comes. Some teenagers will decide independently that they are not going to date, and others may not have access to a romantic interest. It is important to teach your socially different teen about how to go about attracting a partner. Some may be too timid or have such limited interests that they are difficult to approach. Others become fixated on a person, and become "too much" for that person to handle. It is also important that your child understands not only the "mechanics" of sexual activity, but the socioemotional implications of such intimacy. It may be difficult for young people with Autism to understand the emotions of their partner, and how some things they do might be considered hurtful.

(5) Encourage Expression 
Your child may be really quirky, and this has probably caused him to be socially excluded at some point. As his parent, encourage him to harness the positive sides of everything that makes him who he is. There is no doubt, the most interesting character looming inside your child - and with a little encouragement, you can help him to shine. She may enjoy playing games that seem nerdy to you, or engaging in hobbies that you simply don't understand. Usher her towards a group of like-minded individuals, where she can be confident and understood. Try to limit her involvement in social media, and maximize her face-to-face social interactions. You may find summer camps, support groups, interest groups, community groups or after school programs that offer extension in the way your child likes to express himself the most. 

(6) Find a Mentor
There is infinite value in finding someone who understands your child, and someone who your child can trust. Teenagers won't want to tell their parents everything - don't be offended - you probably kept a lot of things from your parents, too. Think about your circle of friends, and if there is a standout person who fits the bill for being a mentor. Most adults would be flattered if they were asked to mentor a teen, and you might find that opening up your child's inner social circle will bring new light to some of the social skills which were previously confusing. 

School Shadowing

Kahlon Family Services provides ‘shadows’ to people of all ages requiring extra help towards independence. ‘Shadowing’ is a relationship-based behavioral intervention. For children, a shadow refers to a Behavior Specialist assisting a child at school by first observing, taking data and consulting with the child’s family and teacher, wherein the specialist highlights areas of concern and develops a plan for behavior modification. 

The shadow helps the child on a daily basis, first by building rapport with the child and his/her family. The shadow then begins by meeting the child where he/she is 'at'. The next step is challenging the child to develop further self-sufficiency, through open communication and incentive tools. The goal of a shadow is to assist the child without hovering or embarrassing them, while making discrete modifications to their behavior and classroom environment in order to set the child up for success. Oftentimes, the shadow will act as though they are an extra teacher in the classroom so that nobody knows which child is requiring extra help, to protect the child’s privacy. The ultimate goal of shadowing is that the child will reach full independence at school, with a greater awareness of how to self regulate.

Kahlon Family Services also offers shadows to very young children in Early Childhood settings, as well adults with disabilities in the work environment, with similar (but developmentally-appropriate) goals.

How do you know if your child would benefit from a ‘shadow’?
- Has your child’s teacher mentioned that your son/daughter ‘checks out’ regularly in class, and therefore, has great difficulty completing tasks?
- Does your child struggle with sensory integration or an attention deficit?
- Does your child have difficulty with executive function, fine motor skills, impulsivity, following instructions or being part of a group?
- Is your child ‘acting out’ and being sent away from group/educational activities because of behavioral issues? Is he/she ‘in trouble’ most of the time, and missing out on vital learning?
- Has your child’s school mentioned that without extra assistance, your child may be excluded because of behavioral issues or special needs that they can not reasonably accommodate?

If it has been suggested that your child receive extra help, or if you feel as though his/her educational future is jeopardized by any of the above issues, we can help you. Please contact us for a consultation, on kahlonfamilyservices@gmail.com 

Executive Functions

Are you raising a child who has trouble following directions?
Does it take your child a really long time to finish a task?
Are you often frustrated by how distracted your child becomes while he is supposed to be doing something "quickly"?
Does it seem like everything you say is going in one ear and out the other?
Maybe it is.

Executive Function is an umbrella term for the cognitive processes that manage, regulate and control other cognitive processes. In other words, Executive Function is the "office manager" of the brain. It is the brain's ability to manage learning and behavior. Many children on the Autism Spectrum have problems with Executive Function, though children who are not diagnosed with Autism can also be affected. When a child has impaired executive function, she won't be able to hold onto multi-step instructions. One of our 7 year old clients with this problem once described it (in his own words) like this:

"It's like there's a strainer in my head. You keep talking and telling me things, and it's all just falling through the strainer. I am trying to listen, but it's like I can't hear you."

Exactly how do Executive Functions (EF) work?  

And how can we alter what we do with kids who have impaired cognitive control? 

(1) Planning

Outworking a "plan" is a very common and natural process that most people develop in childhood. For children who have issues with EF, the process of creating a plan and working it out will be two very different things. It will often look like they are being impulsive or inconsiderate, but the fact is, they haven't developed the ability to think empathically. 

How can you help? Work with the child to overtly teach planning skills. For example, socially; If two children are playing a ball game together, running up and stealing the ball (in order to join in) would cause the other children to become upset. Looking at the game, seeing how it's being played and asking, "Can I play?" would be more likely to cause social success. 

(2) Working Memory

"Working Memory" is the system that actively holds multiple pieces of information in the mind, and figures out how to use (or discard) the pieces according to the situation. In other words, this contributes to the sentiment of the little boy's "strainer" quote. 

How can you help? Take a deep breath. Your child isn't being lazy or silly when he forgets what you've said. This can be very frustrating to an adult! You probably can't understand why it is so hard for your child to take in information, but just slow down everything you are saying. Present instructions in a FIRST/THEN/NEXT structure. 

(e.g. First eat dinner, then take your plate to the kitchen, next take a shower.) 

(3) Attention

Adults often overestimate a child's attention span. Enough said. 

How can you help? You can watch your child in various contexts and time how long she appears to be paying attention. If on average, she seems to be able to spend only 4 minutes listening to somebody speaking to a group of children, that is her current attention span. You can help by recognizing that is all she can do, but slowly trying to increase the span by providing environmental changes. At school, a child may be more attentive if they sit closer to the front. They may also benefit from sitting at the back and being allowed to move around while content is being taught. A "fidget" is a blanket term for a number of small items that can be held, manipulated and squeezed during direct teaching times, by children who may otherwise play with clothing, shoelaces or look out the window. 

(4) Problem Solving

Think about adult life - problem solving is undoubtedly one of the most important skills that you can develop. Childhood creativity is often birthed out of problem solving skills. If a child is conditioned to have problems to be "fixed" on their own, they will become less anxious when problems arise in life.

How can you help? Obviously a big part of problem solving is about planning. As planning is an issue with EF impairment, as a parent or teacher, we recommend that you regularly expose your child to safe versions of problems that require solutions. Build up your child's tolerance to unexpected situations, and make sure that he is the one developing and outworking the solution. At first, he may need some scaffolding, and you can provide a bridge for him through suggestion. It is so important to celebrate his efforts to make things right, by himself. 

(5) Verbal Reasoning

Your child may not understand what you are saying, the way you are saying it. Sounds complicated? 

How can you help? If your child seems to be taking everything you are saying at face value, totally literally or getting caught up in the semantics - take a moment to boil down what you are saying to its truest and most basic form. She may also be looking for loopholes in behavioral boundaries you are presenting. This can become very frustrating to adults, and sometimes this will be her version of cleverly disguised humor, but it is more likely that she is just hearing your words literally. By understanding that her processing is impaired, you will be able to alter your communication. 

(6) Inhibition

Kids with EF impairments may be extremely hilarious, because they lack inhibition. As a parent, caretaker or trusted adult, your job is to help your child understand when a certain behavior is inappropriate for the situation - because they will not realize it on their own. 

How can you help? When the child is acting in an unexpected way, try to help him by taking him aside to point out how the other children are behaving. Instead of making him feel bad about himself, help him with the empathic skills he hasn't yet developed. For a time, you may be like an external version of his self control, though it is a goal to transfer those skills to independence. 

(7) Mental Flexibility

If you change up a schedule, or throw an unexpected curveball at a child with EF impairments, you will notice that she will have a hard time accepting the change. You don't have to shield the child from changes, because real life involves curveballs. But you can help make them more palatable. 

How can you help? Firstly, understand that mental flexibility is a challenge for your child. The meltdown is not an attack at your inability to control the world, it is more of a coping mechanism from a child who is struggling to control anything in his world. Providing your child with daily schedules is a great tool, but also, creating some times where a "?" appears on the schedule is helpful in building up tolerance as far as mental flexibility goes. You can teach spontaneity through a schedule! And if you are brave enough, you can even start adding in some schedule changes in everyday life, to build your child's tolerance. Maybe once a day you can switch two items around, and  coach your child through the situation. 

(8) Task-Switching

Most people can go from one task to the next fairly seamlessly - think of it as "tabbed browsing" on a computer. Mental tabbed browsing is way too confusing for a child with EF impairments. 

How can you help? When one task finishes and another starts, be very specific about how the transition will play out. This will be very noticeable at school, when one subject ends and another begins. Saying "Get ready for Math" is very arbitrary, and may require a post-it note on the child's desk with the exact items he will need to have ready for Math. 

If you have more questions about Executive Function, or have sneaking suspicions that your child's EF development is delayed, contact an Occupational Therapist. If you are in the San Francisco Bay Area and are interested in behavioral services for your child, contact us on info@kahlonfamilyservices.com