Autism and Recess

The best part of most children's day is recess.

It's the time where there's no structure, everything is child-led and they can happily use their outside voices. 

But, for children with social differences, recess can be a total disaster. 

Why do kids with Autism generally struggle with recess? 

Autism affects social skills, often isolating the person from their peers through various means. Children with Autism rely heavily on schedules and predictability in order to feel safe and in control of the world around them. In addition, children with Autism have a really hard time knowing the difference between reality and fantasy. During recess, children find themselves in games that are led by peers - meaning that they don't carry the same level of compassion, grace and structure as their adult-led counterparts. Games that are invented by children often do not have a coherent framework of rules, and these loose rules may vary from day to day or from person to person. As you can imagine (or remember) - games that are invented by children are generally not "fair" or logical, and they can be a bit of a popularity contest. With all of these facets combined, you can see how children with Autism would struggle. 

As parents, how can we set our children up for social success? 

(1) Open dialogue with your child's teachers

Understanding that teachers have a lot to do (and that your child isn't their top/only priority) you can still create a way to communicate regarding his social skill development. Your child's teacher should be more than happy to send an email here and there about how things are going. If there are recess issues, you can ask to be made aware of them if it isn't already part of the school's procedure. In our opinion, the best way to process recess issues is to be able to talk about them at home and at school. With everybody on the same page, we can achieve a lot more in a shorter span of time. Be careful not to overstep your boundaries with the teacher, while still asserting your willingness to be involved and give support to your child's social development. 

(2) Facilitate play dates

Does your child have consistent friendships? If so, develop these by having regular play dates. If not, it's time for you to start getting proactive! Ask your child's teacher who is seems to gravitate towards at school. If he's more likely to play alone, ask the teacher to think of a few good "potential matches" for friendships. If you can get the email addresses/phone numbers of a couple of their parents, start trying to arrange a play date. Keep play dates short, task-focused and if your child needs it - stay around to help facilitate social success. If your child has problems with aggression or dangerous behavior, stay close by and do your best to avoid his frustrations from escalating. Do what you need to do in order to make the initial play date successful - even if that means that it is only 30 min long! You don't have a second chance to make a first impression. 

(3) Being honest 

It will not benefit your child if you keep her from knowing which of her behaviors are socially unacceptable. If she is doing something which is antisocial or unexpected, you are her consistent and loving guide. When you tell her what is going on, be "matter of fact" without being judgmental. The best way to support her, is to provide her with a concrete way to approach the situation differently. Role play it at home and try to practice these social skills in everyday life. 

(4) Role models

Let your child see you being sociable. When preparing for guests to come over to your house, involve your child in setting the table, getting dressed up and preparing a meal that others will enjoy. Engage your child in the empathic reasoning behind how and why we entertain guests. When you are going to someone else's house, show your child the etiquette of taking along some wine or flowers. When going out for a meal with family or friends, show your child how to engage in conversations that are interesting to the other person. Talk about it with your child afterwards - process through social skills together. It sounds tacky, but for children with delays in social development, this kind of instruction is vital. 

(5) Social Skills Groups

Another great way to prepare children for the social world around them is to enroll them in a social skills group. At Kahlon Family Services, we run social groups for children and teens of all ages, focusing on the skills we need to make quality connections with others. Since life is about community, these groups are really important for helping kids make leaps and bounds in their social development. 

If you have any questions about our social groups, or would like to enroll your child, please contact us at info@kahlonfamilyservices.com or visit our website on www.kahlonfamilyservices.com