Teaching Kids to Listen

The above picture is how most people feel when they talk to their kids. I used to repeat myself over and over to my kids, then eventually add in a ridiculous request because they were obviously zoned out anyway. It would sound something like this;
"Put on your seat belt"
"Put on your seat belt"
"Please put on your seat belt"
"FOR PETE'S SAKE, PUT ON YOUR SEATBELT!"
"Purple monkey dishwasher"

Around the dishwasher part they would start listening. By that time I was annoyed, and we were still sitting in the car going nowhere. I would threaten and talk and explain and verbosely lay out my expectations - all the while this was achieving absolutely nothing but breathlessness.

Save your breath. There is a better way to communicate.

THIRD TIME LUCKY
The first thing that had to change was how many times I would make a request - three is the limit. When you say your child's name repeatedly with no response, you are essentially teaching them to ignore you until you get really mad. This is neither time efficient or safe. If you were out in the street and a car was coming and you said your child's name and they ignored you, the results could be tragic. Your expectation should be that they listen to you the first time. We realize this doesn't always happen, but when it comes to safety, we want our kids to be trained to pay attention to their adults. Three times is our maximum now.

Example; 
(Yelling an instruction from across the room)
Parent: Dinner is in 5 minutes!
(Kids keep playing)
Parent: Dinner is in 5 minutes!
(Seems like you have been ignored. Go over to where your child is. Request eye contact.)
Parent: Eyes.
(Wait for your child to look at you.)
Parent: How many minutes until dinner time?
(Your child shrugs. Hold up 5 fingers.)
Parent: How many minutes until dinner time?
Child: Five

Another technique to use so that you only have to speak 3 times, is to remove the child's choice after the third instruction is given.
Parent: Do you want the burger or the hot dog?
(No answer)
Parent: Burger or hot dog?
(No answer)
Parent: If you do not answer me this time, I will choose for you: Burger or hot dog?

They usually listen when the stakes get higher.

BE CLEAR
When giving instructions, clarity is key. Maybe your child has no idea specifically what you are asking him or her to do. Some kids have trouble organizing themselves when it comes to instructions with too many steps - some children will only be able to carry out one step at a time, others will be able to do 2, 3 or more.

Instructions may have various steps: 
*One step; try saying, "Teeth" instead of "Go and get yourself ready for bed."
*Two Step; try saying, "First teeth, then toilet" instead of "Go and get yourself ready for bed."
*Three Step; try saying, "First teeth, then toilet, next PJs" instead of "Go and get yourself ready for bed."

... WHEN YOU ARE CALM
Sometimes it feels as though you are in a battle of wills with your child. They are too worked up to receive any new information, as their system is already on overload. If your child is mid-meltdown, it is not a great time to get philosophical with them. Save the wordy explanations for times when your child is receptive - maybe bedtime or in the car. The most useful phrase I ever learned to use was,
"I hear you - and I will talk to you when you are calm". 

If the child keeps talking/yelling at you, don't chase your tail by feeding the meltdown. Honestly, it is futile and will probably make things worse. Be empathic ("I hear you", "I see you are upset") but be firm. After the initial instruction, you can shorten your instruction to, "We will talk when you are calm." The debrief is often the most important teachable moment of a meltdown - "How could you have dealt with that emotion in a better way?"

POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT
If every time you open your mouth you are saying something negative, it is no surprise that your kids are zoning out. I would too. Notice the things they are doing right - encourage them when they use appropriate social skills, tell them stories about your childhood, sit with them for just 10 minutes a day and do whatever they want to do. You have no idea how the seemingly little things can make such a huge difference.