Recent studies have shown that parents have more stress in their lives than people without children. It's not surprising that our vibrant bundles of joy (read: energy) have the ability to make life both beautiful, and far beyond crazy. As a parent, you need to be able to make time for yourself - this may seem an impossible task with a special needs child, as there are fewer people who truly understand your child in order to give you a break. Rest assured, there are people out there willing to babysit kids with differences! (Kahlon Family Services offers respite/babysitting - just so you know.)
On that note, if you are a parent who tells their child, "It's time to take a break" - then it only makes sense for you to model that behavior at times when you feel overwhelmed.
For the next three weeks, we are going to have a series on how parents can STRESS LESS and live more. So, here's the kick off!
DO YOU HAVE A SOCIAL NETWORK?
We are not talking about Facebook, people! Do you have real life adults that you spend time with? We're sure your kids are fantastic, but you will never stop needing peer company. It's time to connect with humans over things other than Goldfish crackers, Disney channel, itchiness of tags on shirts, peeing in the potty and the politics of who gets to use the swings next at the park. You've got a brain that needs challenges and stimulation - you have opinions, you have a voice, you have (or you probably used to have) interests and hobbies that you shared with others.
Many people fall into the trap of having just one person who bears the brunt of all their emotions - whether that is a husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, life partner, soul-sister, brother-from-another-mother, BFF - it is probably too much to expect one other person to be there for you all the time. It is a blessing to have someone that you are so deeply connected with, but to keep that connection alive and healthy it is a good idea to keep balance to your relationship. Maybe have specific friends who you share certain things with, and others you don't. Keep close friends, even if you're married - you'll never find all that you need socially in your partner alone. You were probably a fun person at one point, and stress hasn't got the right to strip that title away from you! It is vitally important - especially with your spouse/parenting partner - to keep the genuine, light-hearted love alive in your relationship. Go and do something ridiculous (...responsibly ridiculous, not like bank robbery) with your partner! Get a babysitter for the kids and eat candy for dinner and climb trees or something. Forget about what stresses you, and reconnect with those who feed your soul. Be carefree, if only for a few hours.
For time with your non-romantic friends, BFF (Best Friend Forever), kindred spirits and bro-mances (male buddy love) - think about how to get out and be your age. Maybe for you, that means having your close friends and their kids over for dinner. Perhaps the kids can run free and unattended while you have adult time with your friends. Where special needs are involved, that might be a difficult task if you're worried about your child's social issues or sensory problems causing unsafe behaviors. Firstly, we believe it is really important to teach kids that they can be trusted to be unattended in a house with adults after a certain age - and that the adults will attend to them if need be. Secondly, if that is too much for your kids right now (no judgement there - we totally understand) try and put on a movie for the kids while the adults socialize. And thirdly, if you don't want to do that, you could hire a babysitter to take care of all the families kids for the duration of the event. With that, be realistic - an 18 year old probably shouldn't be expected to look after 9 kids, change diapers, feed all the kids, break up fights etc. Make it as easy as possible for the babysitter!
If you are reading this and you're feeling a bit lost in the friends department, take a moment to think about why. The truth is, you're probably a very lovable person and well worth being friends with. Did you push people away after you got into a romantic relationship? Did it happen after you had your children? Some people isolate themselves in family life for one reason or another. Who could you reach out to and reconnect with? Send someone a text or an email - make a playdate or a coffee date. If it doesn't work with one person, try another. Also, where could you go to meet new people? Are you part of an interest group, a gym, a church/synagogue, a support group for parents of special needs kids? Google these kinds of things to see what is in your area.
It takes courage to step out of your comfort zone. We need to be modeling the very behaviors we are willing our kids to display. Be brave, be strong, be fun, be balanced - be someone you'd like to be friends with. Spend time being social, and stress less.
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