Finding Babysitters

Do, a deer a female deer. Re, this babysitter does not exisssstttttt.....

If you are reading this blog, chances are, your child has some difficult behaviors. Let's be honest - all kids behave in a crazy fashion at times - but we're going to hazard a guess that yours may go the extra mile. A huge part of successful parenting comes from parents being able to take breaks away from their kids. Whether you can get away for an hour to do grocery shopping alone, have a date night with your spouse or maybe go away for the weekend (kid-free) - all parents need some time out from wearing their MOM or DAD hat.

The problem with being a parent of a special needs kid is that it can be difficult to find someone to look after them. We have seen some families go from babysitter to babysitter on a weekly basis, on a quest to find someone who can handle their children. We have seen kids act out simply because they know that their challenging behaviors cause a change in babysitter. If your child gets what they want by melting down, then their meltdowns have proven to be an effective method of communication (in their opinion) and they will continue to be, until something changes.

So, what are the big problems with the babysitter search?

The perfect babysitter doesn't exist
Sometimes parents have this idea that Mary Poppins or Maria Von Trapp truly exist and are waiting by their computers responding to advertisements on Craigslist. If you're in the market for someone to wave their magic wand over your kids and change them from wild animals to well-behaved upright citizens without you having to do so much as lift a finger... then... you are going to be waiting a while. You are the parent. It is your job to parent your kids - your babysitter's job is to keep them safely entertained while you take a break or go to work. There is no shame in needing help with the "wild-to-upright" transformation. There are services available, and we are certainly one of them. But the big disclaimer here is: It takes effort.

A cheap babysitter is not necessarily a good idea
If you buy a pair of shoes for $10 and they wear out in a month, you can hardly be upset. You got what you paid for. If you pay your babysitter peanuts, and she loses your kids or they start saying the 'F' word the next day - then you might want to (a) Never use her services again & (b) Value your kids enough to pay your babysitters well. I am not saying that you need to be rich to afford a babysitter - I am implying that if you don't pay your babysitter enough, s/he may not place much value on her time with your kids and therefore not do her best. In my younger years, I was a pro babysitter but I was shy about money. Once, I was left alone with 9 kids aged 18 months to 5 years while their collective parents went out for a wedding reception. One was a (relatively healthy 6 month old) premature infant, one was recently adopted, one was just learning to walk and a few were mischievous brothers.  I was 19 and I was paid $10 an hour. Do you think I would ever do that, ever again? Do you think those kids got A+ quality care? Not so much. If you are struggling financially, maybe try adding some perks to the babysitting gig - dinner, Netflix, WiFi and candy are all good reasons for a babysitter to return.

It is possible to over communicate
Some people with special needs kids feel the need to over-explain their children's quirks to the babysitter. This probably will freak the babysitter out. He or she will probably not sleep before arriving at your house - if they do at all. If you overcommunicate, the babysitter may request to be paid an exorbitant amount of money. We recommend that you explain enough to your babysitter so that they know what to expect, but don't give them a rundown of the child's entire emotional rollercoaster of the past week - especially the part where they ran away at the coffee shop, attacked the wall with a cheese grater, cussed at the supermarket cashier or gave bruises to their last babysitter.

It is possible to under communicate
More than likely, parents with special needs will undercommunicate to babysitters. If you do not warn your babysitter about the child's sensory sensitivities, s/he might decide that going to the movies is fun or that vacuuming while they watch TV is a harmless sport. If you don't warn your babysitter that your son hates cheese so much that if he even sees it he will freak out, she might decide to take them for a trip to the pizza parlor. If you don't warn your babysitter doesn't know that transitions are really difficult for your daughter, s/he might have no idea why suddenly turning the TV off and saying, "Bedtime!" is an unforgivable, meltdown-tastic mess. Armed with a few incentives and some tricks up her sleeve, your babysitter will be much more able to bare the tantrums and maybe even curb some of them.

Realistic expectations
If you have trouble getting your child down for a nap, probably don't insist that your babysitter be able to do it. By all means, it is worth a try, but the pressure of making it work may be too much for the babysitter and child. The worst babysitting moment I ever had was when a child's parent said that the nap was a necessity, then the child released his inner beast (hands, fists, fingernails and teeth were employed in the refusal of this nap) at the very mention of the N word (N-A-P). If your child only eats chicken nuggets and you leave the babysitter with a salad to feed the kid - you are being really mean to everyone involved. Where possible, make it easy for your babysitter to return. If your goal is to go out of the occasional date night, then it really doesn't matter if your child goes to bed without brushing his teeth. As long as it doesn't set a ridiculous precedent of substandard dental hygiene, you should do what you can to keep the babysitter happy and keep the kids happy with her.